


Neither Out Far Nor In Deep

by MalevolentReverie



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Adopted Sibling Relationship, Age Difference, Age Play, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Student/Teacher, Angst, Ben Solo Is Not A Good Person, Childhood Sexual Abuse, Christ Is Watching, Consensual Underage Sex, Daddy Kink, Dark, Dark fluff, Darkfic, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Dominant Kylo Ren, Emotional Manipulation, Explicit Sexual Content, Extremely Dubious Consent, F/M, Forgive Me, Frottage, Gaslighting, Going For Broke, Grooming, High School, Innocence, Loss of Innocence, Loss of Virginity, Manipulation, Masturbation, Mutual Masturbation, Obsession, Okay This Is Really Fucked Up Tho, POV First Person, POV Rey (Star Wars), Porn Watching, Possessive Behavior, Power Imbalance, Pseudo-Incest, Shameless Smut, Sheltered Rey, Size Kink, Taboo, Teacher-Student Relationship, Teenage Pregnancy, Tickle Fights, Twisted and Fluffy Feelings, Underage Sex, Unhealthy Relationships, Virginity Kink, fuck it, this is dark
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-28
Updated: 2018-07-31
Packaged: 2019-05-29 16:43:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 12
Words: 29,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15077390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MalevolentReverie/pseuds/MalevolentReverie
Summary: Rey and her adoptive mother Leia move to the Pacific Northwest after the death of Han, Rey's adoptive father. She meets her 'brother,' Ben Solo, who isn't exactly pleasant and doesn’t seem to want to have anything to do with his sister beyond being her history teacher. But sheltered Rey is insistent on befriending him, and soon Ben’s casual indifference warps into something much worse.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> tbh i wrote this drunk leggooooo
> 
> this isn’t even really “incest” but people are sensitive so I tagged it

One sweltering morning, we leave Arizona for Oregon.

It sucks. I’m fourteen going on fifteen and now I can’t learn to drive with all of my friends. There’s tearful goodbyes and I beg mom to let us stay, but she says we have to live closer to her _biological_ son, Ben. I’ve never met him and I don’t want to.

But we leave all the same. We abandon Han’s grave and our big house and drive across a few states to the dreary Pacific Northwest to live closer to Ben. Leia and Han adopted me when I was five and I’ve still never met my ‘brother,’ but Han hates him, and that’s enough for me. Han was my best friend. It took months for me to recover after his heart attack.

Mom is the new VP of some publishing company. We have plenty of money but she likes working. I pout during the whole drive while she talks about it. Okay. Shut up. I don’t care.

 “Ben’s a teacher!” Leia crows. “History! He loves Greek history. You two will get along so well.” She smiles at me in the rear view and I smile back.

Meh. I like history, but I also like math. I chew my nails and scroll through my friendless Facebook. Rey Solo, friend-picky. I’m not big on social stuff. I want to make Leia proud, especially after she saved me from a life bouncing around foster homes. I’ll be great. I’ll be even better than Ben.

We drive into a thunderstorm and I stare glumly out the window, arms folded on the edge. Everyone said I’d be dealing with constant rain. Apparently the hodunk little town we’ll live in is famous for it. But the coastline is nice—or so they say.

Our house is much smaller than the old one and has grey cedar shakes. I help mom unload our suitcases and roll them up the ramp to the front door. We have a couple neighbors, but they’re far off. That’s cool. I like having space, and all the towering redwoods give a good barrier. It’s quiet.

The house has furniture. It all matches, like Leia wants, and the floors are all dark hardwood with no carpet. I wander around, into the dining room and the living room and the kitchen. Mom gets on her phone as I walk upstairs to check out all three bedrooms and the full bathroom. The second one is downstairs, but it’s a half bath. We have an unfinished basement, too.

Just me and mom now, I guess.

Leia turns on the heat because it’s chilly up here and I go upstairs to unpack the rest of my stuff. I just have to make my bed and set my trinkets on my dresser. I’ve never been one to ask for much. I have a smartphone, and some pretty crystal animals. Han always bought me one for my birthday. My eyes water as I set them out one by one. I miss him.

Mom and I have a quiet dinner. Our forks scrape on the plates, echoing in the empty dining room. It’s chicken. I hate chicken.

 “School tomorrow,” Leia says with a smile. “Are you excited?”

 “I guess.”

We don’t talk any more. I wasn’t close to mom—I was close to Han. I cry in bed that night and wish he wasn’t the one who died.

The next morning I dress in a skirt and pink blouse. I want to look nice for my first day of school. Mom is already at work, but I’m used to that. I put my hair in three buns, my trademark, and eat waffles before I head out. I look pretty. I have white stockings and dress shoes on.

The bus picks me up on time. It’s a few months until I’m fifteen and I can drive myself. I smile at the other kids as I walk to the empty seat with my green backpack. Hey. Please be nice to me.

But everyone is pretty friendly. They introduce themselves up until we pull up to school, a small brick building that hosts like three hundred kids. I walk inside alone, and upstairs to the high school to find my ninth grade class. There’s one. It makes sense in this tiny town. The building looks ancient, with cracked floors and walls.

I drop my stuff off in my locker and heft my books in my arms. Homeroom first—duh. Nervous, I tug on my skirt and walk down the hall with my stuff clung to my chest until I find the right room.

My homeroom and English teacher is someone named Maz Kanata. She’s interesting. Old, and she has huge glasses that make her eyes enormous. I sit in the back of the class and smile when she jokes about it. A girl next to me named Rose laughs, too. We glance at each other and smile.

Rose follows me to my next class, math. She sits with me and starts a conversation and I latch on. We get along really well. I like her.

Our math teacher is a man named Finn. He’s tall and really cute, honestly. His dark hair is short to his scalp and Rose beams at him the whole class. He smiles when she talks to him after and I wait outside the room. We giggle on our way to Spanish.

It’s not as exciting. I’m fluent, so I don’t pay much attention. Rose and I have a study hall together and eat lunch in the big cafeteria. We’re at a table alone and ignore the raucous laughter of the football team across the room. Poe Dameron is a running back, I guess. I don’t know what that means, but he’s an ass.

Two more classes. I break with Rose for physics, since she’s taking advanced chemistry instead, and we meet up for our last class: history. We’re so busy chatting that I hardly noticed our teacher.

But I recognize him. He has Han’s eyes and Leia’s jaw, but I don’t know where his big nose comes from. His black hair is tied in a bun and he has his gray dress shirt curled up to his elbows. He’s on his laptop as all of us file in the classroom and he doesn’t glance up. No glasses. I thought he’d have glasses.

My heart skips a beat. This is my… adopted brother. Technically. We’ve never even met. He’s always been distant from Han and hated seeing him, and I was always attached to Han’s hip.

Ben stands when the bell rings. He turns on his SmartBoard to introduce himself and we watch _The Last of The Mohicans_ for the rest of class. I exchange a few glances with Rose. Yeah, this is my thirty-year-old brother. He’s attractive in a weird way, but not to me. Gross.

At the end of class, I shuffle up to his desk. Ben gives me a passive glance.

 “Yes?”

His voice is deep and disinterested. He’s tall and broad-shouldered, sort of like Han. I swallow hard and cling to my books.

 “I’m Rey,” I mumble.

Ben looks up under his dark lashes. His hair hangs over his protruding ears and it’s coming loose from the bun. He raises an eyebrow and straightens.

 “Oh,” he says. “Rey. Nice to meet you.”

 “Yeah, same.” I fiddle with a worn part of my history book. “Uh… mom said you could bring me home?”

He nods. “Sure, of course. Let me get my things—meet me here in five?”

It’s a weird first meeting. I agree and gather my stuff in my backpack before trotting back to meet my adoptive brother. He’s way older than me and we have nothing in common, but he’s technically family.

Ben doesn’t smile when he sees me. We walk down the quiet corridors together, out to the rain-drenched parking lot. He drives a Honda Accord. I throw my backpack in the trunk and sit up front. It’s a manual. Han always liked them.

I wring my hands nervously. “So… they adopted me ten years ago and we haven’t met.”

Ben shrugs. “We live far away. Sorry.”

 “Oh, I’m not mad. It’s just too bad.”

We lapse into silence. Ben shifts gears and we listen to Johnny Cash on the radio. He’s my brother. I should care; I should try. I glance at the veins protruding from his enormous hands and smile.

 “Do you like sports?” I ask.

 “Soccer is okay. I watch the World Cup.”

 “Han and I watched football. Y’know, the name they use for soccer in other countries. Like in England. Where I’m from.” I try to smile more. “We call it football because you use your feet.”

Ben grunts.

We arrive back home and meet up with Leia. She gives me a big hug and drags Ben inside for dinner. He looks moody the whole time and barely talks. I think Leia and Han are great, so I don’t know what Ben’s problem is. He picks at his steak. He’s crabby like Han; that’s for sure.

Ben drinks too much champagne and sleeps in the guest room. I text Rose about him while he laments his relationship with Han. I keep most of it private. Ben is obviously sad, and I know for a fact Han kept his distance. He was afraid of Ben. So was Leia. That’s how Ben left home at sixteen.

Maybe he resents them. I watch Ben stumble to the guest room and cling to the doorframe. Ben… my brother. But not really. I don’t know him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> why am i like this

 “Rey! Ben’s taking you to school!”

I’m already dressed and ready in skinny jeans and a sweater. I twirl around my room and text Rose to make sure she still wants to sleep over. I’ve been in Oregon for a week, and so far I like it. I’ve made a few friends besides Rose, like Poe (who isn’t as much of an ass as I thought) and Jessika Pava. Rose’s older sister Paige is nice, too.

Mom makes Ben bring me with him in the morning so I don’t have to ride the bus. He’s not crazy about it. We don’t really talk during the drive or during class. I kind of hope it stays that way, because I get the feeling he doesn’t like me.

But I try to be friendly—just to make Leia happy.

Ben grunts when I beam at him in the foyer. He looks sullen. He always wears monochrome colors and dress shirts. Mom smacks his upper arm and he mutters ‘morning’ under his breath. I shoulder my backpack and take my lunch box from Leia, then arch on my tiptoes to kiss her cheek. I’m a lot happier now, and I’m getting closer to her.

 “Rose can still sleep over, right?” I ask. “Jess was going to come too, and maybe Kaydel?”

Mom smiles and fixes my hair. “That’s fine, sweetheart. I have to go on a little trip this weekend, so Ben’s going to keep an eye on you girls. I’m going to call their parents and make sure it’s okay.”

I glance up at my brother and see his scowl deepen. Eek. Well, if I can see my friends…

We walk out to the car after I give mom a third hug. Ben slides into the driver’s seat and the radio goes on to some metalcore song. I wince at the screaming until Ben turns it down.

I twiddle my thumbs. “Sorry you have to spend your Friday night with us. I can reschedule.”

 “It’s fine. Just no boys and don’t bug me.”

 “I would _never_ have a boy over without permission!” I’m a little too emotional. Oops.

Ben leans his arm on the car door and smiles for the first time ever. “I bet you wouldn’t.”

Ben and me part ways at school. Rose meets me outside the front doors and we walk up to our first class together, chatting about our sleepover. Jess is in math with us, and we have history with Kaydel, too. I try to get them to shut up in history so I don’t make Ben hate me any more than he already does.

We sit at our round table during lunch. Kaydel plays field hockey and always has dirt under her nails, but I like that about her. She has a cool hairstyle, too: two buns on top of her head, like donuts. Jess is a cheerleader and she’s always macking on Poe in the hallways, but she’s really smart and artsy. Her hair is black like Rose’s and usually in a ponytail.

The four of us kind of click. I smile as I look around the table and chew my baby carrots. Oregon isn’t so bad. It’s a nice change of pace.

Physics goes by and I sit between Rose and Jess for history. Ben is slumped over his desk, clicking around on his laptop, and he looks bored as usual. He rubs his face and yawns as the bell rings, then turns on the SmartBoard. Everyone keeps chattering away except me as I frantically shush my friends.

 “Stop!” I hiss. “I want him to like me!”

Kaydel rolls her eyes. “Why? He’s your brother. You’re _supposed_ to hate each other.”

 “Paige and I are best friends!” Rose chirps.

 “I dunno,” Jess says, pursing her lips, “he broods a lot, y’know? I like a good brooder. He’s babysitting us tonight, right?”

I nod and smile when Ben catches my eye. He ignores me and takes out our humongous history textbook instead. Crestfallen, I sink down in my chair and chew my nails. We need snacks for the sleepover and I feel weird asking him to pick some stuff up.

Rose raises an eyebrow at Jess. “No boys—which includes Poe.”

Jessika smiles smugly and shrugs. “I can’t control Poe if he happens to stop by and we happen to go to a party. We could be kidnapped, you know.”

 “Don’t you dare!” Kaydel snaps.

 “Are you having an interesting conversation back there, girls?”

We straighten up at the sound of Ben’s—uh, Mr. Solo’s—voice. I arrange my things on my desk and shake my head quickly, and everyone else mumbles and opens their notebooks. Ben stares me down as he opens his PowerPoint about World War II, and I try to disappear into my chair. Ugh. Please just like me, even a little bit.

Class is uncomfortable and I don’t learn crap about World War II. I scurry out to my locker after to pack my books for weekend homework and walk downstairs to meet Ben at the front doors like always. Everyone’s getting dropped off at six, so I want to go home and get set up in my bedroom. The basement isn’t ready yet. I’m going to fix it up myself over the summer, just like dad would’ve.

Ben’s on the phone when he comes downstairs and has his sunglasses on. He sounds annoyed. I rush after him with my backpack and wave when I catch sight of Kaydel getting on the bus. She’s bringing her PS4, so that’ll be—

 “I’m babysitting my sister, Paige!” Ben barks. “My mother will lose her shit if—” His dark eyes flicker to me. “…It doesn’t matter if Rose is going over; we can’t be doing _that_ with my students in the house. Come to my apartment Monday if you want.”

I almost make a puking face. Sick! Paige Tico is dating my brother?! Why didn’t Rose tell me?! He hangs up and shoves his phone in his pocket, jaw clenched. Stop dating my best friend’s sister, please. Thanks.

 “What time is the brain trust coming over?” he asks.

 “Six.” I wring my hands. “…We need snacks.”

Ben takes his shades off at the car and rolls his eyes. “Of course you do.”

We stop off at the closest grocery store and wander the aisles in search of sleepover snacks. I get the essentials, like Lays chips and popcorn, and throw in some chocolate for good measure. Ben leans on the cart handle and watches me add two bottles of soda, one dark and one light. Looks good.

He pushes on his cheek with the butt of his palm, bored. “Is that it?”

I frown and peer over the edge of the cart. “…Yeah. Why? Did I forget something?”

 “Variety is the spice of life, kid.” He goes back a few paces and throws in a box of brownie mix. “Everyone mixes the batter and eats it raw. And—” He turns and opens a fridge, chucking in raw cookie dough. “This is a no-brainer.”

 “Oh…” I lean on my tiptoes, peering in the row of fridges. “Can I get a frozen pizza?”

Ben suddenly scowls and shakes his head. “Jesus Christ, you’re fucking greedy.”

Oh, crap. I feel my cheeks flood with embarrassed heat and mumble an apology, but my brother laughs and his gloomy long face lights up again. He opens a door and tosses in a cheese pizza. I’m taken aback by his weird sense of humor and him laughing for the first time ever. I gawk up at him like a moron.

 “I’m kidding,” he laughs. “Did mom and dad keep you in the basement?”

I cross my arms and look at the floor. “No.” Then I glance at him and clear my throat. “…What else?”

Ben leads me around the supermarket and picks up a couple more things. We get ingredients for Muddy Buddies, whatever the heck that is, and bacon and eggs for breakfast. He texts someone while grabbing a six pack of Heineken and I eye the alcohol suspiciously. Beer smells so freakin’ gross.

He sets it in the cart and raises his eyebrows. “You’re like twelve, right?”

 “I’m almost fifteen,” I reply tersely.

 “Oh.” He points at my face. “Don’t touch my beer.”

 “I don’t want it, anyway—and if I did, Jess’s boyfriend can get it.” I sniff and raise my chin. “So that’s _that._ ”

Ben pushes the cart, resting his forearms on the handle. “Poe Dameron? That kid’s a doofus.”

I scowl and trot to keep up. “He’s nice to her. That’s all that matters.”

 “It’s so _not_ all that matters, but… you’re fourteen, so I’ll let it go.”

We check out and lug our groceries back to the house. Ben hangs around to help me put it all away in our stainless steel fridge and huge island with drawers that close themselves. I leave the ingredients out for Muddy Buddies with the box of brownie mix and climb up on the counter for bowls. Ben groans as I rifle through a high cabinet.

 “Please don’t fall,” he sighs. “Leia won’t stop bitching if I let her precious porcelain doll split her head open.”

 “I won’t!” I huff, indignant. “I’ve done this a million times.” I take down three bright plastic bowls for chips, popcorn, and candy, and grin at Ben over my shoulder. “See?”

He preheats the oven and only gives me a casual glance. “Yeah, great, you’re not dead—now get down.”

Hmph. I hop down to the floor, bare feet slapping on the tile, and set my bowls on the island. Ben gets a beer and hovers while I organize everything to my liking. I check the time—it’s 5:45, so the pizza should be ready right after everyone gets here. I’ve never really had people over before, so I want to make sure I do everything right. I align the soda bottles again.

Ben nudges one. “If I push these out of place, will you go apeshit and shoot up the school?”

 “That’s not a nice joke.”

 “Yeah… sorry.”

He pushes the dark soda to the left and raises his eyebrows when I scowl up at him. I ignore it, so he moves one of the bowls. I don’t care. He’s just teasing me. My heart flutters at that—does this mean he finally likes me?

The doorbell rings and I squeal excitedly. Ben trudges behind me just as I fling the door open and hug Rose. Her mom is there and waves to Ben, but doesn’t ask any questions. I gab with Rose as she walks inside and kicks off her shoes. She has her own pillow and blanket and super cute footie pajamas. I want a pair.

 “Thanks for having me, Mister Solo!” Rose calls as we rush upstairs.

My other friends come in one by one. Ben looks pained while he watches us fussing with our snacks in the kitchen. He texts more and nurses his second beer. I cut up the pizza and put it out on plates, and we all gather up our drinks and snacks and go upstairs. Jess hovers behind and waggles her fingers at Ben on her way out of the kitchen.

 “If I have a nightmare, can I sleep with you?” she asks.

Everyone giggles except me. Gross.

Ben walks past us to the living room. “Keep it up, Miss Pava, and you’ll be in summer school.”

All of my goofy friends laugh and I herd them upstairs. Okay, that’s enough. Creeps.

We eat and talk and watch movies. Kaydel paints everyone’s nails while Jess feeds her popcorn and _Not Another Teen Movie_ plays in the background. I fill up on raw cookie dough and meander downstairs after a couple hours to start the brownie batter. We’re nowhere near ready for bed and I’m super curious about it. Jess tags along.

Ben is in the living room watching _Star Trek_ and Jess makes a beeline for him. He jerks back when she leans over the couch and tries to crawl next to him. I roll my eyes and open the fridge for eggs.

 “I’ll call your father!” Ben snaps. “Upstairs, Pava!”

 “But I—”

 “ _Now._ ” He pauses, then: “And tell Poe Dameron to get out of the yard. He’s about as subtle as a brick.”

Jessika groans and trumps back upstairs. I turn when I hear Ben shuffle into the kitchen, kind of bedraggled with his black hair hanging loose. He scratches his chest and throws away a beer can, then collapses in a stool at the island. Only two beers left. I grab my egg and glance at my brother.

 “That’s a lot of alcohol,” I say, like a moron.

He shrugs and yawns. “I’m a high school history teacher. I drink. Comes with the territory.” His dark eyes flicker to my nails. “Looks like you four are going buck wild up there.”

 “Ha ha, very funny.” I point at him as I climb up the counter for a mixing bowl. “See? I can pick up sarcasm.”

 “Finally.”

I hop down with my prize and crack the egg first. The box tells me to mix in vegetable oil and water, too, so I measure them out and stir it in. Ben watches from the island with his cheek on the granite as I mix the batter into a goopy, delicious chocolate concoction. It has little chunks of chocolate, too.

I lick the mixing spoon and smack my lips. Yup, definitely delicious. A bit of raw egg never hurt anyone. I prop the bowl on my hip to share the spoils with my friends and kick Ben’s chair on my way by.

He seizes my forearm and yanks me between his knees before I can blink. I stick out my tongue, gagging when he makes a show of licking my precious mixing spoon. He sticks his fingers in the batter for good measure, then smirks and licks them clean. Ugh—now it’s got his gross germs in it, _and_ I don’t have my precious spoon!

 “Enjoy my germs!” I snap, storming off with my bowl.

 “Your germs taste like sweet revenge!” Ben calls back with a laugh.

I stomp upstairs but smile to myself. Now I know he likes me.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> skreeeee i call to my fellow lizard people

The next day, all four of us lounge by the in-ground pool and keep on eating our snacks from the night before. Swimming was a daily after-school thing back in Arizona, but it’s usually so rainy and cool in Oregon that most people don’t even have a pool.

I scroll through my phone, perched on the edge of the pool with my feet dipped in the water. Kaydel is playing Marco Polo with Jessika and Rose is sitting next to me with a handful of wet Muddy Buddies. Ben made them for us after a loud breakfast full of giggles and yawns. I figured I’d have to cook, but he didn’t mind doing it.

Rose rests her head on my shoulder. “Does this mean your brother will give me bonus points on the next test? I mean, you’re my best friend _and_ he’s hooking up with my sister. He owes me.”

I frown. “Hooking up?”

 “You know…” Rose peers up at me and laughs at my blank expression. “They have sex sometimes.”

My ears burn. Ewww. Mom and Han homeschooled me for a long time, so I skipped over a lot of the stuff you picked up on in middle school. Thinking about my brother having sex is enough to ruin my appetite, and I wave off Rose’s snack. She shoves the rest in her mouth and slips into the pool to sneak up on Jess. I watch for a minute before I get up to get a drink from the house.

Damp, bare feet slap across the warm bricks and I open the sliding glass door. The central AC chills me as I step inside, dripping wet, and the chlorine and sunscreen feel sticky on my skin. I shiver and walk to the fridge for a soda or something. We have freezie pops—that sounds good. I open the freezer drawer and pick out a red one.

Ben is upstairs in the guest room watching TV. I can hear the laughter of a sitcom as I cut the tip of my pop and bite into the first chunk. It tastes like summertime and my childhood spent splashing in the pool with Han. He would throw me like, _ten feet._ I’d scream with laughter and Leia would snap at him to be careful, because I was ‘fragile.’

My brother wasn’t. I pad across the kitchen tile to the hall and listen to the TV. Mom says he was in trouble a lot when he was my age, drinking and getting into fights and stuff. Our parents were worried that he’d be a bad influence, so they kept us apart and ‘sheltered’ me, or whatever. I’m not sheltered. I _know_ things. I kissed Tim Wicketts once.

I take the steps two at a time on my way upstairs, leaving behind a wet trail. I nudge open the guest room door and peek inside.

Ben’s sitting on the bed with a bunch of papers spread around him. He’s typing and looks grim again, dressed in a black dress shirt with the sleeves pushed up and dark jeans. I wander in, adjusting the straps of my pink bikini, and see he’s watching _Friends_. Eh. Not my favorite.

 “Is someone dead or dying?” he asks.

I turn to look at him. “No.”

 “Then why are you bugging me?”

 “I dunno.”

Ben glances up and scowls, slapping his laptop shut. “Christ, Rey! You’re dripping fucking water all over the place!”

He looks so genuinely mad about me trailing water through the house that I want to laugh. I don’t know what possesses me, but I make a flying leap onto the bed.

Papers scatter and I laugh as I roll around and soak the green comforter. Ben swears and scrambles around for a second before he manages to grab my wrists. He pins me with my head by the foot of the bed, kneeling between my thighs, and affixes me with a cold glare. I blink up into his dark eyes and shrink back, suddenly feeling like an idiot.

 “Sorry,” I mumble.

His hands are huge around my wrists, and tight like handcuffs. He clenches his jaw and tugs my pop to his mouth, glaring at me as he takes a bite. I frown and squirm underneath him. Rude! I hook my feet around his back and push on his ribs with my toes, trying to get myself free. The scratchy fabric of his shirt rubs on my soles.

Ben raises his eyebrows and chews with his mouth open. “I don’t know where you think you’re going.”

 “Let me go, butthead!”

 “Oh _no_ —tracking water all over the new house _and_ swearing?!” He yanks my wrist again, easily overpowering me to take another bite of my freezie pop. “I think I should spank you.”

I scowl and worm my heels around his ribs to push on his hard stomach. “I’ve never been spanked in my entire life, and I’m not starting now. And butthead isn’t a swear word!”

 “It totally is. Trust me—I’m an adult. We know these things.”

We struggle for another minute (well, I do) until Ben finishes eating the rest of my pop while I’m forced to lay there and watch. He lets me go when he’s done and rests on his heels, licking his lips obnoxiously. I stumble to my feet and glower on my way out of the room with my fists clenched.

 “Butthead,” I grumble.

Ben gasps behind me. “Excuse you?”

I turn quick and see him covering his mouth like he’s horrified. He shakes his head when I laugh.

 “I said: _butthead._ ”

 “Well that’s wildly inappropriate.” He stands up, rolling his sleeves to his elbows, and beckons me. “I think tickle torture should teach you a lesson, right?”

I squeal and take off down the hall to my bedroom, where he snags me around the waist and swings me through the air, flailing my legs. He’s freakin’ strong and doesn’t seem to notice me smacking his forearms. That or he doesn’t care.

 “Ben!” I shriek, breathless but laughing. “Cut it out!”

It reminds me of playing with Han. Ben almost drops me on the floor when I bite his forearm, but he manages to pin me to my bed on my stomach. He straddles my waist and hides his face in my neck, and the worst possible punishment starts: _tickling._

He goes for my belly, laughing into my hair. “You’re fucking slippery, kid.”

I writhe and squeal and laugh in a way I haven’t since Han died. Ben’s long fingers tickle up my belly and he refuses every time I beg for mercy. He’s freakin’ strong _and_ freakin’ heavy. Tears prickle in my eyes and I giggle in my pillows that smell like cucumber shampoo. He pants near my ear and stops me every time I try to slip away from him.

The vague sound of my friends splashing outside seems far away as my sheets wrinkle and ruffle under my bare knees. Desperate, I arch on my knees and push my butt into his stomach to knock him off balance.

Ben’s breath hitches. The tickling stops for a second, so I grin and keep pushing, squirming to get him off me. He nuzzles into my hair with a soft groan.

I hesitate. “Oh—did I hurt you? I’m sorry.”

 “No, no; I’m fine.” He swallows hard and brushes his fingertips across my stomach. “Guess I know how to punish you, huh?”

 “I’m never punished,” I reply proudly. Ben shifts his hips, arching over me, but I barely notice. I’m too busy bragging. “ _You_ were punished all the time.”

His hands drift under my armpits and I giggle, pushing into him again. Ben clears his throat and nods, and keeps tickling me in that spot. I keep squirming my hips since it seems to be working, and he grunts and laughs weakly in my hair. His breath smells like mints.

 “I was,” he mumbles in agreement. “You’re a good girl, though.” He touches a sensitive spot near my ribs and takes a sharp breath when I buck my hips. “Is your homework done, or have you been too busy playing with your friends?”

I roll my eyes at my brother’s very teacher-like question. He traces a fingertip between two ribs and I shiver and smile. I literally _love_ being touched. Literally. Han used to comb his fingers through my hair and I’d fall asleep in his lap.

 “I’m having a sleepover, butthead,” I sigh. “We’re not gonna sit around and do homework.”

 “Good girls do their homework, Rey.” Ben’s warm breath is on my neck and one of his hands brushes up towards my hip. “Don’t you want to be a good girl?”

Before I can reply, the glass door slides open downstairs and we hear the girls coming in. I brighten and wriggle away from my brother without a second glance. His fingers brush my palm as I slip away from him and race out of my bedroom.

Rose frowns when she sees me. “Where were you?”

 “Torturing my brother.” I snatch her towel and drop it on the floor to mop up the mess I made. “Good thing there’s no carpet or mom would go ballistic.”

We pillage the fridge for more food, chattering away about school and stuff. I finish wiping up the mess and we put on a movie in the living room as the sun sets in the backyard. My friends crowd around the television with popcorn, but I figure we should have something for dinner.

Ben’s been gone for a while. I skip upstairs, now dressed in my jeans and T-shirt, to see what he’s up to. _Someone_ has to feed us.

He’s sitting in his room at the end of the bed, blankly watching TV. He starts when he sees me, like he’s fricken surprised, and I fling myself on the bed again. The sheets are still damp and messy, but he cleaned up the papers and stuff. It smells like cologne and something else.

 “Did I make you uncomfortable, Rey?”

I turn my head, huffing, and look at his back. Ben doesn’t budge. Uncomfortable? When?

 “No,” I laugh. “Why?”

 “We barely know each other, and I had my hands all over you.” He glances back a bit but doesn’t meet my eyes. “I’m sorry.”

It doesn’t compute in my head. I sit up and crawl to the foot of the bed to sit next to Ben and thread my skinny around through his much bigger one. He clasps his hands in his lap. I lean my head on his shoulder and frown up at him.

 “I know you were kidding,” I say. “And you’re my brother—it’s not like you’re some random creep I don’t know.”

Ben finally looks at me and nods. “Yeah, I was kidding.” He frowns like I am and nods again. “That’s what siblings do, right?”

I brighten. “Right!” Then I shift into his lap tug his cheeks apart. “So come downstairs and feed me and my friends.”

Ben stares at me for a second and settles his hands on my hips. “You’re a weird kid, Rey.”

 “I know,” I chirp.

We get up and walk downstairs together. Ben orders pizza again and sits in the living room on the couch while we eat and play Monopoly. I rest back between Ben’s calves while he texts Paige. We watch _Coco_ and talk and laugh, and everyone falls asleep in their sleeping bags on the floor in the living room.

I wake in the middle of the night with everyone snoring around me. Ben is still sitting on the couch and it sounds like he’s asleep, too. Yawning, I crawl up the cushion and curl into a ball like a cat, then put a pillow on his lap and lay my head there. He stirs and mumbles and touches my hair.

My heart skips a beat. I think about Han and how much I miss him and fall back asleep.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> goodbye cruel world

Paige picks Rose up first. Ben kisses her cheek and murmurs in her ear and she rolls her eyes and smiles. I slowly say goodbye to the rest of my friends Sunday morning until I’m left alone with Ben by the front door. Mom will be home tomorrow.

He sighs. “That wasn’t as awful as I thought it’d be. Glad they’re gone—though I’m sure I’ll hear about it tomorrow morning.”

I beam up at him. “Well thank you for staying over. I’m sure you’d have rather been with Paige.” I check my phone and text Kaydel. “You can go if you want. You know I won’t have any boys over.”

 “Eh. I’ll stay. We have a lot of catching up to do and _you_ need to do your homework.”

It gives me a weird sense of pleasure to be chosen over his girlfriend. I shrug and lead him upstairs to my bedroom, where I usually spread out my textbooks and stuff to do homework. Ben follows with his hands in his pockets.

I have green sheets and some posters on my walls. It’s plain otherwise. Ben shuts the door and sits beside me on the floor where I have my homework open. He yawns as I flip through the pages of my history book to the section for homework. It’s about World War II so it’s easy stuff.

 “I’ve been working on the essays, but I’m better at math than writing.” I open up my binder to the first draft and show it to Ben. “Um… anyway, this is what I have so far.”

He drapes his forearms on his knees and reads silently. We’ve already had breakfast and I can smell maple syrup and coffee on his breath. He’s warm too, and still dressed in his flannel pajamas.

My brother nods. “It’s pretty good. Make your conclusion stronger. You’ll need it for the SATs.”

 “Right? That’s usually my weakest spot. I mean, this is only tenth grade so I gave plenty of time to improve.”

 “You do, and I’ll be your teacher again in your senior year.” Ben smiles and flips through my textbook. “I’ll help you whenever you need it.”

I smile and move on to do my essay questions. Ben hangs out beside me for a bit, then casually moves behind me. He stretches his legs around me and hesitantly slips his arms around my waist. I don’t mind. I write down the heading for my homework and lean back into his chest.

Ben nuzzles into my hair and neither of us speaks. He hums and rests his chin on my shoulder while I do my homework quietly, flipping from page to page and scribbling answers. He’s safe and solid like Han.

 “Don’t give me the answers,” I laugh.

 “I wouldn’t dream of it.” He yawns and sighs again. “Is this okay? I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

I roll my eyes. “It’s fine. I’m used to it.”

He relaxes behind me. I keep on going until I’m done with my history homework, then lean forward for my math stuff. Ben follows, arching over me, slipping a hand around my stomach. I squeal and turn in his grasp, flailing my legs, and he pins me down on the floor.

We wrestle around, scattering papers, and I end up rolling on top of Ben, straddling his hips. He puffs and grins and holds my hips while I catch my breath. His black hair frames around his hair like a halo and the way he’s looking up at me makes me feel like an angel. I smile and cling to his chest.

Ben laughs. “Guess you win.”

 “I always win.” I smirk and lean back.

 “Mhm.” He touches my knees. “…You don’t mind me touching you, Rey?”

 “Nope.”

He sits up suddenly and I’m straddling his lap. I curve my legs around his waist and reach for my homework. Bleh. For complaining so much the other day, he doesn’t seem to care now.

Ben glances down at the paper between us. “Math?”

 “Yep. Gonna be an engineer.” I chew my pen and press the paper to Ben’s chest. “I’m already in precalc. Jealous?”

 “Uh… yeah. I didn’t take precalc until sophomore year of college.” He frowns at the paper. “I’m glad you like this stuff. Dad would be proud.”

 “He was.”

My math homework takes no time at all. Ben seems amazed by it and checks out the results when I’m done. I squirm out of his lap to gather my books and he shakes his head. Han and Leia knew I was smart from the start. Why is Ben shocked?

I organize my stuff and hop in bed for a Sunday afternoon nap. Ben rises from the floor and starts to leave, but I decide I want more touching.

 “Ben,” I call.

He stops and turns. I peel back the sheets and beam. I’m still in my nightgown.

My brother blinks. “…You want me to lay with you?”

 “Yeah? Dad and I napped all the time.”

Ben frowns, but nods and locks the bedroom door. He hesitantly crawls into my twin bed and stiffens when I snuggle to his chest. He smells good. He smells like home. I nuzzle under his chin and smile when he wraps his arms around me.

 “Touch my hair,” I murmur.

He does. He runs his long fingers through my hair and I sigh and drift off beside him. Num num. Safe.

It’s dark when I wake up. My bedroom window is open and I can hear rain rattling the gutters. I yawn and shift beside Ben and he stretches a long arm down past us. He yawns in return and snuggles closer to me, wrapping an arm around my waist to bring me close. I smile and nuzzle under his chin.

Ben laughs. “I thought you’d be a brat, honestly. I was dreading meeting you.”

 “I’m not? Good to know.”

 “Mom and dad did a good job. I’m… pleasantly surprised. You’re a good kid, Rey.”

 “Thanks! I try.”

We fall back asleep. I smile.

The next morning, I wake up to Ben’s fingers tickling my belly. I squeal and squirm away from him but he drags me back with an arm around my stomach and rolls over across my back. I shriek and writhe like I did during my last tickle torture and bury my face in the pillows. Birds twitter outside and I feel cool mist.

 “Stop!” I beg, laughing. “BEN!”

He laughs too and kisses the side of my head. I feel a weird pulse of pleasure from it but brush it off. We’re just playing. I like the sensation of his long fingers on my skin, calloused where mine isn’t. No big deal.

 “Time for school,” he murmurs. He kisses my temple and lingers. “I’ve never met anyone more ticklish than you.”

I giggle and push back into his groin, testing to see if he groans again. He does.

 “You’re sensitive, too,” I chirp.

 “…Yup,” Ben says weakly.

He pants into my hair while I keep giggling and pushing into his groin. One of his arms wraps under my belly on my bare skin and he holds me up on all fours while I keep wriggling my hips. His other hand clenches the sheets next to mine. Did we sleep together all night?

I’m curious. I frown when I feel hard warmth on my butt and grind my hips into it. I’ve gone over sex stuff a little with mom, but I’ve never seen or felt any of it. Ben exhales sharply and his arm slides down to my hips to hold me in place. I’m curious to feel more. It doesn’t matter.

We don’t say anything. Ben nuzzles in my hair and breathes hard while I rock my hips and bite my lower lip. He squeezes my hip in his hand, rubbing on me, and my bed creaks underneath us. Warmth curls in my belly. This feels… strange. But I like it.

There’s only Ben’s sweatpants and my panties between us. He makes stifled sounds like groans and I quietly drink it all in. Hm. I’m not scared or anything. The sounds he makes send chills down my spine.

 “Ben? Rey?”

My brother jerks away from me before I can blink. He stumbles out of my bed and adjusts his sweatpants on his way downstairs. I clap at the sound of Leia’s voice and hop out of bed to get dressed for school. Maybe I’ll wear a dress today?

Mom smiles when I come downstairs for breakfast. She looks tired but says her trip went well. Ben mutters and goes upstairs to shower and get dressed while I chat with mom. I make my own waffles and bacon and tell her all about the sleepover. The stuff with Ben doesn’t seem important, but I do tell her we’re getting along much better.

 “I’m so happy to hear that,” mom sighs. “He’s stubborn like Han was. Glad the girls liked the pool, too!”

Ben comes down to eat a while later in a blue dress shirt and black pants. He rolls the sleeves up while mom yaks at him about how much she appreciates him watching me and my friends. I’m going to be fifteen in like two months. Jeez.

And it turns into a quiet two months. Ben isn’t rude anymore, but he kind of keeps his distance. He brings me home from school and comes over for dinner and stuff, but we don’t wrestle anymore. It’s okay. I don’t mind or anything.

He comes to my fifteenth birthday with Paige. I’m too busy hanging out with my friends to notice or care. It’s November and we can’t swim, so we all hang out in the basement and play board games and video games. Mom went all-out: there’s balloons and streamers and tons of snacks for my sleepover with the girls.

We hang out in the basement when everyone’s gone and play cards. Jess wants to sneak out, but I still don’t have the guts to do it. I win Go Fish three times in a row before we all get bored and start telling stories. Kaydel passes out in her sleeping bag.

Rose laughs. “Hey, Rey—guess what?”

 “Hm?” I mumble.

 “Your brother makes my sister call him ‘daddy.’”

The three of us burst out laughing and I turn over to look at Rose, who has tears streaming down her face. She sleepily stuffs popcorn in her mouth and Jessika takes a swig of soda.

 “That’s _so_ gross,” I groan, giggling.

Jess nods. “Yeah it is. Like all the time, or…?”

 “Just when they do it,” Rose says. “Thought you’d like to know that your brother is weird, Rey. You’re welcome.”

 “Thanks for that.” I pucker my lips. “Have you guys ever seen a penis before?”

Jessika raises her hand without hesitation. “I’ve jerked Poe off like a bunch of times. That’s it, though. Dicks are gross.” She frowns and looks at Rose. “Have you, Tico? You haven’t gone out with anyone in forever.”

Rose gets a weird look on her face and looks away. “I haven’t. I’m just busy with school. We’re going into eleventh grade, guys.”

 “Okay,” Jess laughs, “don’t get so defensive.”

I chew the inside of my cheek. I want to ask more, but it seems like Rose is upset. I’ll just Google it. It’s not like I’m dating anyone or seeing a penis any time soon. I’m just curious.

My phone vibrates after the other girls are asleep. I yawn and smile when I see a ‘happy birthday’ message from Ben. He’s such a goof. I text him back and nestle into my sleeping bag to go to sleep when I hear him text me again.

  _want to come over for a bit? you still haven’t seen my apartment._

I look around at my sleeping friends and text back. _All my friends are here lol. And it’s like one AM._

_you’ll be back before they wake up_

  _Ughhhhh, fine :)_

My heart pounds like I’m doing something wrong. I slip out of my sleeping bag and tiptoe upstairs to get my sneakers and house key. It’s kind of like sneaking out, even if I’m just going to see my brother. I rock on the balls of my feet until he texts me that he’s outside. Eek. I’ll have to sneak out more often.

Ben smiles when he sees me and I make a quiet squealing sound as I put on my belt. He smells faintly of alcohol but he looks sober. His eyes roam down my nightgown as we pull out of the driveway.

 “Don’t you wear pants?” he teases.

 “Heck no. Pants suck.” I wring my hands in my lap and take a deep breath. “Am I going to get in trouble?”

He laughs, stopping at a stop sign. “No, you goof. Want to get a taco first? I’m hungry.”

Duh. We head to Taco Bell and eat in the car, chatting about school and growing up for way longer than an hour. Ben shares his nachos with me and swats my legs down when I put my feet on the dashboard. He squeezes my calf, touch lingering. It makes my skin shiver.

Ben drives back to his apartment downtown, sandwiched between two others and up on the third floor. He leads me upstairs while I sip my Baja Blast and keep chattering away about Rose and Jess and Kaydel. I kind of want to bring up the penis thing, but it seems like it’ll make him uncomfortable. But the daddy thing? That’s fair game.

The apartment is small. His kitchen feeds into the dining room and he has a little living room with a couch and area rug. I look around and Ben locks the door behind us. It smells like boy. There’s a few empty beer bottles near the garbage. It’s quiet except for the hum of the refrigerator.

 “Rose says you tell Paige to call you ‘daddy,’” I say, wandering down the hall to his bedroom.

Ben follows. “Does she? I don’t know; seems like she made that up.”

I wrinkle my nose at the clothes thrown around the room. He doesn’t have posters. The walls are light brown and his blue sheets are messy. I nudge a shirt with my toe and feel Ben looming behind me. His breath is in my hair. My spine prickles.

I swallow when his nose brushes my scalp. “…Rose doesn’t make stuff up.”

 “No?” Ben wraps an arm around my waist. “Is she a good girl like you?”

Part of me knows I should step away, but I don’t. I nod, tense, and my brother nods back. He smells my hair and takes a few steps forward towards his bed, edging me along with him. It’s dark and quiet, but I can hear cars passing on the street below.

Headlights dance through the window as Ben eases me down across his bed. I bend at the hips and smell cologne and detergent in his sheets as Ben shifts his stance behind me. My nightgown hikes up.

 “Why would you want her to call you that?” I ask meekly.

 “Call me what?” Ben holds my hips and rolls them against his groin.

 “…Daddy.”

 “I didn’t hear you.”

My head swims. I clench the sheets and swallow down my impossibly dry throat.

 “Daddy,” I mumble.

Hard heat rubs on my butt. Ben breathes kind of fast. I lie there and my pulse thrums in my ears. His room is so messy. Maybe I’ll come clean it.

He takes a sharp breath. “Well, when Paige is a good girl like you and calls me that, I get her a present.” His fingertips press hard into my skin. “What was it again? Can you say it again?”

My body shifts forward and back, rustling the sheets. I can feel the warmth building between my thighs like it did a few months ago and I squirm my hips. I’m a little embarrassed, but I don’t want to stop. I swallow hard again and try to be a bit louder.

 “Daddy?” I falter.

 “What’s your favorite thing, Rey?”

I shrug. “Jewelry’s cool. And clothes.” I smile as I run through all the possibilities in my head. “I like body sprays from Bath and Bodyworks, too—and books!”

Ben leans over me and noses in my hair. “Well you’re not very complicated, hm?” He holds my hip in one hand and balances his weight on his palm with the other, right next to my head. “If you can be a good girl, I’ll bring you something tomorrow. How’s that sound?”

 “Neat!” I chirp. Jokes on him; I didn’t need any convincing. Ha!

 “Good.” Ben leans his chest on my back and breathes in my ear. His breath is warm. “You’ll let daddy take care of you? You want me to?” He rubs on me harder and groans. “You’ll keep this a secret between us and be a good girl?”

I finally balk, stiffening all over. My body is rubbing on the bed now and I can feel tingling. I feel nervous.

 “Is this… is this a sex thing?” I whisper nervously.

 “Of course not.” Ben nuzzles the side of my head. “Relax, kid. Trust me; it’s just a game.”

It doesn’t feel like a game, but I nod and shut up. Ben keeps going until his breath hitches and he buries his face in my neck and groans. The way I’m laying rubs the right way between my legs and reminds me of feeling a blanket there during summer camp. It’s hot and sticky like camp, too.

I keep moving my hips to make the tingling continue and Ben catches his breath in my hair. My toes curl, clinging to the carpet between Ben’s feet, and he rubs his thumb on my hip. My head feels hot and fuzzy and I start panting and chase the fleeting flickers of pleasure with Ben draped over me.

He strokes one of my clenched hands with his thumb and rests his cheek on the side of my head. I’m glad he doesn’t talk. I struggle to bunch up the sheets under me and Ben silently helps, pushing them under my hips without a word. He sighs and rests his cheek on my shoulder while I follow the hungry heat between my thighs. It feels good. It feels _really_ good. It… feels kind of…

I arch up on my tiptoes and whimper, biting my lower lip as the tension snaps. Ben kisses the back of my head as I gasp and yank on the sheets, shamelessly rubbing myself along the blankets as the pleasure ebbs through my whole body. Ah—what?!

I’ve never felt anything like it. My heart races and Ben squeezes my hand. Okay… okay…

He stands. “Come on, let’s get you home, kid.”

What? Panting, I nod and get to my trembling feet. Ben doesn’t say anything. He pats my back on our way to the door and brings me home without a word. He doesn’t look upset. Should I be upset? I’m confused. I don’t understand…

He says he’ll see me at school and leaves me on Mom’s porch. I watch him drive off before I go inside and stand in front of the door. I don’t know what just happened. I’m so confused.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what can i say, i'm in a smutty mood  
> i spoiled u children these past few days enjoy my creepy smut because it's my specialty
> 
> so much for slow burn LOL

_A hulking man hovers in the dark near my bedroom door. I can’t make out his face or anything else. He stands there for a minute, then lumbers toward me faster than I can scream for my mom._

Gasping, I fly upright in bed with my heart racing. I claw my hair out of my face and pant a few times, looking around my dark bedroom. I’m okay. I turned fifteen a week ago—I need to be—

Wetness on the sheets draws a groan. Ugh. It’s not my period. I got so scared that I wet the bed.

I scramble out of my stuffed animal fortress and toss them off to peel the sheets. I’d have nightmares a lot as a little kid and it took me a long time to start using the bathroom. I’ll have an accident like once a year now but I don’t worry about it like I used to. I just take the sheets off and give ‘em a wash. No biggie.

Yawning, I trot down to the basement to throw them in the washer and set the cycle. It’s Friday and Rose is coming over tonight, just us. I lean on the machine and wince when I see it’s two in the morning. Bleh. A few more hours until Ben will be here to bring me to school. I go back to my room to make my bed up again.

Mom is already gone for the day. Ben comes inside a few minutes early and smiles when I wave from the island. I wolf down my cereal and hum on my way to the sink to wash out my bowl. Today I have a pink dress with gray leggings, and Rose is wearing a blue one with black leggings. We like coordinating. Kaydel won’t wear dresses and Jessika always has her cheer outfit on, so—

Ben steps up behind me at the sink, pressing his hard body to my back. I blink at the window, squirming nervously when he inhales at the top of my head. He hasn’t touched me since my birthday. I rub my toes together and set down the cereal bowl. It’s drizzling out. I should get my galoshes and umbrella.

He leans over to turn off the sink and wraps an arm around my stomach. I cling to the counter, blushing when he starts rubbing himself on my behind. Ben hooks his chin over my shoulder and sighs.

 “How’s school?” he murmurs.

I shrug, swallowing the thick anxiety down. “It’s okay. Rose is sleeping over. Our dresses match.”

Ben makes a surprised sound in my ear. “Do they? Well I brought you something…” He lifts me up a bit, exhaling. “Do you think she can get something to match it, or should I take it back?”

Rain pelts the window, now coming down harder. The kitchen is lit with sullen sunshine as it peeks over the horizon and I take a breath when my brother adjusts his grasp on my hips. He looms over me. I can feel his warm breath on my skin.

 “Can I see it?” I ask tentatively.

 “Mhm.” His nose drifts through my hair and he clicks his teeth. “You can.” His breath catches in a gruff grunt. “Oh… _fuck_ …”

He pushes harder on me and I yelp in surprise when my hips pinch on the edge of the counter. Ben holds them in place and groans in my hair as he changes pace, rubbing long strokes against me. I redden as he catches his breath and kisses the back of my head. I know what he’s doing, but I’m too embarrassed to say anything.

Ben goes to the bathroom before we leave the house. I adjust my dress in the car and pick up a small box wrapped in silver paper. He slows to a stop at a red light and smiles when I gasp in shock. It’s a pretty silver necklace with a small heart. Ah!

 “Thank you!” I crow, flinging my arms around his neck. “This is so cool! Dad bought me a bracelet forever ago but I lost it, and I was such a tomboy when I was little that I don’t have much else. This is great, Ben—thanks.”

 “You’re welcome.” He rolls his eyes as we drive again. “Leia’s going to be over the moon about it.”

I meet up with my gaggle of friends outside school and Ben talks to Finn as they walk inside. They’re both wearing gray sweaters with collars from their dress shirts and kind of look like twins—just like me and Rose. I turn and smile at her.

Rose clutches her books to her chest and blushes when Finn casts her a sideways glance. I frown.

We head to our classes like usual. I show off my necklace and proudly tell everyone it’s from my brother, but don’t talk about it during history. Ben looks bored as he teaches us about the American Revolution, and I catch him texting someone when he starts a movie. I assume it’s Paige, but blink when my phone vibrates. Curious, I look.

  _put that away, miss solo._

I glance up and catch Ben gazing at me, resting his chin in his palm. He smirks and looks away to throw a wadded piece of paper at Poe’s head, since he’s not paying attention. I bite my lower lip and text him back while Poe mumbles an apology.

  _You started it!_

Ben answers without looking at me. The movie rolls on.

  _do I detect a tone?_

_I’m telling mom._

He raises an eyebrow at me and sets his phone down when he sends his next text.

  _tattletale._

The rest of the day is uneventful. I tell Rose about all the stuff I have for our sleepover and she nods along and keeps texting. When I try to look, she jerks her phone away and gives me a dirty look. Jeez, if she’s got a boyfriend she can just tell me. Maybe she’s mad because Ben and Paige broke up.

Ben texts me and asks me to meet him in his classroom. I wave to Miss Kanata on my way past and she beams and waves back. She’s super helpful with my writing. Like I said, I’m more of a math geek. Finn never has a bad word about my work, but Rose has to stay after school all the time for extra help. I mean, I could help her myself, if she wanted.

My brother is sitting at his desk in front of the class, on the opposite end of the room from the door. His dark eyes flicker up and he gestures for me to come closer. I let the door shut and feel my heart pound up my throat. I’m one part excited and one part nervous that he’s going to bend me over something again. He won’t. Not here. I have a lot of Googling to do when I get home. Is this appropriate, should I tell Leia, etcetera.

He pushes out from his desk and takes my hand, twirling me so my back faces him. I feel feverish as Ben guides me into his lap with his big hands around my waist and settles me with the small of my back touching the cold metal of his belt buckle. His sleeves are pushed up and I notice scars of the pale underside of his forearm, twisted with veins and sinew. I keep my hands clasped politely in my lap as he picks up a pen and drapes his other arm around my waist. He smells good—clean, like linen.

 “Your friend is staying over at mom’s?” he asks, scribbling in red on a test.

 “With me, yeah.” I frown and lean closer. “What did I get on this one?”

He idly strokes the seam of my leggings with the tip of his thumb. “Something in the eighties.” Then he kisses my temple like it’s a thing we normally do. “Maybe you should study more and text less.”

I scowl and cross my arms over my chest. “You texted me first!”

 “I did no such thing.”

Ugh! I elbow Ben in the ribs and he drops his pen and starts tickling me. Squealing, I worm away from his huge hands and catch myself on the edge of his desk, which he quickly bends me over. He pins my hands next to my head and I pant and kick my feet until my ballet flats fall off. I can feel him standing between my knees but I can’t move.

Ben clicks his tongue. “Right after I gave you a present, no less. I thought you were a good girl, Rey.”

I swallow thickly and nod. “…Sorry.”

He squeezes my hands, then slides his down to my hips. I squirm when I feel him right between my legs and my mind races with confusion. Do I stop him? Is it real if I don’t admit it? It’s kind of fun. I don’t mind him grabbing at me, and we’re not like _related._

Ben shifts his stance and I hear his belt clink. “Good girl. Are you going to study more for your next test?”

I can feel him better than usual, hard and hot and _right_ where my panties are getting damp. I cling to the desk and nod silently while Ben guides my hips, straining against my leggings. This is…

His cell phone rings. Ben swears under his breath but picks it up with one hand and keeps hold of my hip with the other. His thumb pushes up my spine.

 “Hello?” he snaps. The thumb wanders along the hem of my leggings to the small of my back. “Hi, mom. Yeah, we’re on our way home.” His hips slowly roll against me and I know I’m feeling his penis on my vagina. I know I’m not supposed to. “…Okay, whatever. Bye.”

I try to draw up some courage, but I can’t. Ben leans across my back and grasps the front of the desk with one hand and holds my hip with the other. It keeps it from moving while he thrusts, panting in my ear, until his breath hitches and he groans in my hair to hide it. I feel dizzier with each sharp snap of his hips and I feel… _it_ twitch.

Ben kisses the back of my head and buckles his belt before he stands up and helps me off the desk. His black hair is in a bun but I wasn’t so lucky. He smiles as he rearranges it and fixes my dress.

 “Apparently you’re going to some theme park tomorrow?” he says, tucking in his undershirt. “Mom wants me to babysit, but I’ll just drop the two of you off.”

I nod and busy myself with fixing my leggings. Why do I feel so weird? I don’t hate it, but it’s confusing, and I feel like I’m _supposed_ to hate it.

Ben smiles again and kisses my forehead. It’s nice, like when mom does it. I pick up my backpack while he gets stuff together in his briefcase and we head out of the dark classroom together. Guilt bubbles in my stomach. I have major Googling to do.

I’m sheltered, but I’m not an idiot. Rose is coming over at seven, so I have a few hours to do research. I run upstairs to my bedroom and change into Amy pajamas a few hours early, then perch in bed with my phone to make sure mom doesn’t see it. She checks my laptop from time to time.

Okay, so Ben is my brother, but not really. We barely know each other. He seemed to hate me but now he’s doing weird stuff and acting like he isn’t. I bypass Google and go to Reddit to ask them there, and also hit up Yahoo! Answers and some other advice forum. Ben’s also… twenty-eight? I’m fifteen, so… I know that’s not right. Technically.

I’m afraid to say something. I don’t want him to hate me like Han hated him. I roll around in bed and watch movies and Google ‘orgasm’ and figure out that’s what happened to me in my brother’s bed. I have my suspicions that it’s the same thing that happens when he rubs his penis on my butt. I know sperm comes out and whatever, but… ewwww.

It feels good, though. I chew my lower lip and think about Ben’s huge hands on my hips and wonder if I really care about what other people think. It’s not like he’s hurting me. I’m afraid I’ll break the spell if I acknowledge it. We kind of have our own thing, and it feels good for both of us, and we’re not like… blood related. Ben’s more my teacher than my brother.

All the replies tell me I’m fifteen and too naïve to know any better. I get annoyed and delete my questions. I’m right. I’ll just be oblivious to it. Ben isn’t hurting me. I love being touched, and the orgasm felt _amazing._ Maybe I can make it happen again. 

 “Rey, Rose is here!”

I hop up and smile, running my heart pendant along its chain. Yeah… it’s fine. Everything is fine.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here u go u weirdos jk  
> i actually was involved w/a teacher in high school and he was not this suave  
> oh i suck at daddy kink so sorry LOLLLL

 “…Hey Rose?”

We’re at my house watching TV and painting our nails. Rain washed away our plans to go to the theme park tomorrow and it’s getting too cold out to do much, so we’re going to the mall instead. She’s too busy texting to finish painting her toes and barely glances up at me when I talk to her. I purse my lips. She’s starting to bug me.

She draws a green line up her big toenail. “What’s up?”

 “Have you ever, like…” I trail off and sigh uncomfortably. “Fooled around with a guy?”

Rose freezes for a second, then shakes her head fast. “Uh… no.” She glances at me. “Why? Have you?”

 “…Nope.”

We’re both quiet for a while. I can’t exactly say ‘yeah, my brother, maybe’ and I have a feeling Rose is hiding something from me, too. It’s weird and uncomfortable, because I know that _she_ knows that _I’m_ hiding something. Confusing stuff.

Mom brings us a bit later and we wander around together, only talking about things like school and practicing driving. Rose gives me a weird vibe. Something’s wrong, but I don’t want to make her stop talking to me altogether. I try to peek at her phone once or twice to see who she’s texting and only pick up on ‘FN’ with a bunch of numbers. Code name, obviously—but for who?

I buy new socks and a dress. While I’m trying on another one with green flower print, Ben texts me. My heart skips a beat as I check the message.

  _hey kid. how’s the mall?_

I roll my eyes. _Rose is being weird, but it’s good. Bought some stuff._

Rose whispers into a phone call outside the changing room. I narrow my eyes suspiciously but hesitate when I feel my phone vibrate.

  _are you trying something on right now?_

_Another dress._

I open the door, standing in said dress, and look around to find Rose is on her phone out in the hall. She’s smiling at least and nodding, so I figure it’s something good. Ben texts me again and I huff irately as I check what he has to say now.

_can I see?_

Er… I blink at the screen a few times as I shut the stall. See what? The dress? It seems weird, but I take a picture in the mirror and send it to him. What a weirdo he’s turning out to be.

He texts me back a minute later.

_take it off, please. i want to see that too._

My mouth goes dry. I stare at the message under the harsh fluorescent lighting and debate what I want to say or do. I’m afraid of upsetting him and stuck between my feelings of confusion and excitement. Since I don’t have any other option, I text him back to ask a simple one-word _Why?_

He doesn’t answer for a long time. Nervous, I quickly strip off the dress and take a picture like he wants in front of the mirror, and my thumb trembles as I send it. I bite my nails, worried he won’t respond, and breathe a sigh of relief when he does.

  _good girl. thank you._

My skin prickles. I put my jeans and T-shirt back on and stuff my phone in my back pocket. I’m dizzy—I need to talk to someone and sit down for a minute. I wander out of the store to where Rose is standing near a fake plant, and she jumps when she sees me. She mumbles into the phone and hangs up.

 “Hey!” she chirps. “How was the dress?”

 “Too expensive.” I fold my arms and nod. “Who were you talking to?”

 “Mom. My mom.” Rose gets even more suspicious and scuffs her sneaker on the tile. “She’s going to come pick me up—needs me to come home right away.”

 “…Oh. Okay.”

We stand there quietly while people walk around us. I pop out my phone to text my brother and see if he can offer any insight, but I don’t want to get Jess suspicious. Or mom. I know Ben won’t tell anyone.

He answers quick. _she’s meeting someone… she have a boyfriend or something? always a quiet kid; doesn’t seem the type to sneak around like j. pava_

No, Rose isn’t the type to do that. I glance at her and see she’s chewing her nails and tapping her foot. My eyes wander down her neck and I notice a red mark at the bottom near her collarbone, like someone bit her. I narrow my eyes, but she stiffens when her phone vibrates and mumbles an excuse. She skitters away down the hall, leaving me by the plant.

Mom won’t be back for me for another hour. I frown after Rose and continue through the mall, popping in to different stores to look at shoes and jewelry. I’m worried, so I text her to make sure she’s okay, and she says she is… but that’s not convincing. I rub my fingertips on the hem of a white wool sweater when I sense someone standing right behind me.

He breathes in my hair. “Want to try it on?”

Ben smells good, like light and fresh detergent. I shrug as he edges closer and stands right behind me. We’re alone in the racks of clothes.

 “It’s not my style,” I mumble.

 “Ah.” He reaches past me for the same sweater in gray. “What about this one?”

I shake my head and finger the sweater. “How’d you get here so fast?”

 “I was nearby.” Ben presses some clothes into the small of my back. “I found a few things you can try on, Rey. What do you think?”

 “I… w—why did you want pictures of me?”

 “Measuring.” He nuzzles my neck. “Let me show you.”

I’m helpless to resist. I nod and let him steer me towards the changing rooms, ever the people pleaser. Ben curves his arm around my waist as he opens the door and we both step inside the room. I stare at the opposite wall and shift my feet nervously. He’ll try something. I don’t know how I’ll react to it.

He locks the door and hangs up the clothes he found. “Arms up.”

I raise my arms and let Ben tug off my shirt. I catch sight of the clothes he hung up: bras and nightgowns. My pulse pounds in my ears as he sets aside my shirt, looming behind me, and kisses my shoulder. The clothes don’t really look age-appropriate.

Ben draws my arms back to my side and slips his hands to the button of my jeans. He nuzzles in my hair. “You know I won’t hurt you Rey—right?”

I nod quickly, lower lip quivering as he unbuttons my jeans. He nods, too, eyes closed, and pulls down the zipper. Some generic music plays outside the dressing room and I hear people shuffling around. They talk and walk as my brother whispers ‘take them off’ and I shimmy out of my jeans for him. He runs his broad, soft hands along my body while I do what he asks. My skin tingles.

I catch my reflection in the mirror, with my white panties and pink bra. Ben kisses my neck, standing close behind me, and unhooks my bra. I stare into the mirror and wonder if the random people online might’ve been right. Maybe this _is_ too much for me. But his lips feels nice on my skin as he gently slips my bra straps off my shoulders, and I’m afraid to acknowledge what’s happening. He sets it aside and gently traces his middle fingertips along the curve under my breasts.

Ben meets my eyes in the mirror and murmurs in my ear. “Do you mind trying a few things on for me?”

I shake my head, staring back into his dark eyes. Ben smiles and reaches behind himself for a bra.

 “Good girl.”

My heart pounds as Ben hands me a light pink bra. I don’t have big boobs so I honestly don’t even need to wear a bra, and I usually don’t. His phone vibrates and he checks it with one hand resting casually on my hip while I put the bra on one arm at a time. He smells like strong cologne and I can feel his body heat on my bare back. I hook the clips while Ben texts.

 “It’s Leia,” he sighs. “She asked me to come pick you up. That’s convenient.” He glances at my reflection and smiles. “That’s pretty. You don’t really need a bra, do you?”

 “…No,” I mutter.

He flips the phone in his hand and sticks it in his back pocket. I shiver when his long fingers brush my skin as he unhooks the bra and adds it to a pile with three others in different pastel colors. He tells me to raise my arms again and slips a pink sleeveless nightgown over my head that drapes halfway down my calves. I cock my head, frowning at the white frills, and Ben grasps my hips.

 “Why don’t you come to my apartment tonight?” he whispers. “You can wear one of your nightgowns and we’ll watch a movie.” He yanks me against him and squeezes my waist. “I’ll hold you if you’re scared, but I’ll make sure it’s a nice movie.”

 “Um… Ben…”

He suddenly shoves me into the door and it rattles. Ben pushes me up, holding me with his weight, and grasps the top of the door with his free hand. He breathes in my hair and adjusts me again with his hand, then slowly starts rolling his hips. I feel hard heat in a minute and squirm, blushing.

He kisses the side of my head. “Shh—relax, relax. You don’t want them to hear us, do you?” He buries his face in my neck and groans. “I’ll give you whatever you want, sweetheart. Anything.”

My toes swipe at the cold linoleum, but I can’t quite reach. I cling to the door as Ben rubs his cock against my butt and muffles his groans of pleasure in my hair. People chatter as they walk by and I struggle to hold my breath while my brother humps me in public in a nightgown. My nipples rub on the door but I don’t say a word. I’m afraid of being caught.

I’m not sure why he keeps doing this to me. It’s always from behind and he always stays silent during it. Is he pretending he’s not doing it? Is he thinking about someone else?

Ben finishes after a few minutes and gasps in my neck, grunting ‘Jesus Christ’ a few times. I feel dirty as he kisses along my scalp and lets me down from the door. He combs his fingers through my hair and gives me a few chaste kisses on the cheek.

 “Is there anything else you need while we’re here?” he asks, still trying to catch his breath. “Want to stop at the book store or get some body spray?”

Trembling, I shake my head. “No. I’m okay. I want to go home.”

Ben texts while I get changed and gathers the clothes. He touches the small of my back to lead me out of the changing room.

The cashier gives us a weird look at checkout. Ben seems indifferent to it and smiles at her when we’re done, then walks out to his car with me wringing my hands nervously. I want to text Rose, but I have no idea what she’s doing or where she is. I can’t tell anyone about what’s happening… I rub my forehead and swallow. I’m so anxious.

Ben opens the door for me and doesn’t say anything during the drive. He brings me to his apartment and I hesitate, staring out the window. Rain begins pelting on the windows and my brother sighs.

 “More rain,” he mutters. “Come on, kid.”

I hesitate, but do what he says.

Ben leads me upstairs with the bags on his arms and I tug on my necklace. He texts again while he opens the door to his apartment and lets me inside.

It’s dark. Rain beats on the windows and I hear a low rumble of thunder. I shiver and rub my upper arms as the door shuts and locks behind me. It looks messier than the last time—there’s liquor bottles on the counters and he needs to do some dishes.

 “Want me to clean that up for you?” I ask, gesturing towards the kitchen.

 “Sure, if you want. I have to shower and whatever, so I’ll be back in a few minutes. Want pizza or Chinese for dinner?”

I wander to his fridge and find ingredients for simple salads and rolls. “Uh… how about something less greasy and gross?”

He laughs. “Alright. Most teenagers wouldn’t question pizza or Chinese, though.” Ben curls an arm around my waist and kisses the top of my head. “But you’re not like most teenagers, are you?”

Before I can reply, he walks off to the bathroom.

I get to work throwing things away and wipe off the counters before I get food from the fridge. He has frozen tilapia fillets, too, so I spray a pan and pop them in the oven with some butter and spices. I can make a palatable meal out of _anything._ Had to when I was still bouncing around in foster homes.

Ben comes back in sweatpants and a white T-shirt and eyes the salads I made. He watches me carefully lay the fish on top and drizzle it in lemon sauce. You always need a protein with dinner. Everyone knows that.

 “Ta-da!” I crow when I’m done.

Ben raises his eyebrows. “I’m impressed. Of course, I can’t cook for _shit.”_ He takes a bite of his salad and groans, dark eyes rolling. “Damn, this is good! Can you come feed me every night?”

I’m comfortable again. I shrug and laugh, swelling with pride, and take a bite of my own salad. He feels like a normal brother again: not my teacher, not this mysterious man I met a few months ago. He’s got an interesting face and an inviting smile.

We sit at the table and eat. Ben has a beer and I drink water. I scrape my bowl for scraps when I’m done and try to pick up the dirty dishes, but he insists on rinsing them and putting them in the washer. I rub my tongue along my teeth and pace to the TV to pick a movie On Demand.

 “Anything good?” I ask.

 “I have a movie for us, Rey. Go change, please.”

I roll my eyes and keep flipping through. “What if I want to watch something else?”

 “ _Rey—_ Daddy told you what he wants you to do. Please go do it.”

My spine prickles. I glance at Ben over my shoulder, but he’s busy rinsing the dishes. My stomach flutters. _Daddy._ He’s my brother, though… isn’t this wrong, even forgetting my age? I shift on my bare feet and bite my lower lip.

 “No,” I chirp.

Ben sighs. He loads the dishwasher and turns to face me, drying his hands with a cloth, one eyebrow raised. I finger the remote.

He smiles. “Well you’re being bold today. Why don’t you tell me what you want to watch?”

I hold back a giggle but can’t hide my smirk. “Porn.”

 “Yeah? You do?”

Ben sets the towel down and walks up to me. He changes to some pay-per-view channel and takes my white nightgown out of a bag. I shift on my feet as Ben strips me out of my clothes and the image of a naked girl bent over with a man behind her pops up on the TV screen.

He chucks aside my jeans, bra, and shirt, but leaves my panties on. The light from the TV flickers across us as Ben pulls the gown over my head and kisses the side of my neck. He scrolls through the options and I blanch. I’ve never watched porn before—eek.

 “Do you want to play?” Ben coos. He picks something and I stiffen. “We can play.”

A woman talks with a man at her front door, and I realize how sheltered I am. Ben lies down with me between his legs and I stare as the movie unfolds quickly. I have no idea what’s going on. I rest my back on Ben’s chest and he drapes an arm around my waist to stroke my stomach. He kisses my head and brushes my hair with his other hand.

I watch for a while in the darkness. Ben just keeps casually stroking my hair and occasionally checks his phone. It feels comfortable, up until the guy starts pulling at the woman’s clothes. Ben tugs a blanket over us and yawns.

 “Did you write your paper for English?” he asks.

 “Not yet. I’ll do it tomorrow.” I squirm as the woman sinks to her knees and tugs down the man’s pants. Jeez!

Ben noses along my scalp and hums. “Mm. Make sure you do. Tell me if you need help.”

I nod and redden when the woman puts her mouth on the guy’s cock. Ben keeps touching my hair and doesn’t react to the man groaning or… anything else. I stare in shock and feel warmth coil between my thighs as the man cups the back of her head and thrusts into her mouth. I’ve never seen anything like it—Han or Leia would’ve found out. I’ve never been turned on like this and I don’t know what to do with it. I rub my thighs together and stare.

We keep watching in silence while rain pounds on the windows. I squirm more, pressing my heels into the couch, and tug on my nightgown. Ben doesn’t respond when I reach a hand to my panties, then slip my fingers underneath to touch myself. I know it’s not totally appropriate but I feel dizzy and hot and I know it’ll go away when I touch it. I lean on his chest and move my fingers through hair and damp skin.

Ben keeps petting me. I watch the actors switch to the man having sex with the woman over the arm of the couch, and it makes me even wetter. She moans and their bodies make slick sounds as lightning flashes outside the window. I keep staring and rub the tensest spot, shifting my legs. It feels like the last time I came to Ben’s and rubbed myself on his sheets. Maybe I just need to do that again.

The longer it goes on, the more desperate I get. I whimper a little while I rub my fingers around and try to figure out what I’m doing. Ben yawns and either doesn’t notice or doesn’t care. I bite my lower lip, then turn on my belly and creep up his chest to rub myself on his groin. I feel his cock and whimper again at the sensation of it stroking me. Feels good. Feels good.

Ben wraps an arm around my waist and keeps petting me with his other hand. I get the pleasure I want and pant on his neck as I rub against him with uneven, frantic thrusts. He slides his arm down round my butt and helps roll my hips.

 “My good girl,” he whispers, “such a good girl. Does this feel good?”

I nod, swallowing down my dry throat. “Yes—yes!”

 “Are you going to come for daddy?” Ben holds my butt with both hands and helps rub me on his cock. “Do these dirty movies turn you on?”

 “Mm—mhm. Mhm.” I nuzzle his neck, embarrassed. “Is that bad?”

Ben shakes his head and kisses the top of my head. “Of course not, sweetheart. Of course not. When you’re with daddy, everything is safe. Keep going until you’re done.”

The movie has me a little wonky. I cling to my brother and moan a bit as I keep humping him and get closer and closer to climax. Ben nuzzles the side of my head while the actors have sex and I think about someone catching us doing it and…

The warmth crests and ebbs like last time. I gasp and buck my hips eagerly until the sensation fades away. Ben mumbles and runs his hands up and down my body. There’s nothing else I want more than having an orgasm in that moment, up until it fades away. God, it feels so good. So good.

Ben kisses me when I’m done. He lifts me off the couch and brings me down the hall to his bedroom, wrapped in the blanket. The porn sounds carry down to us as he tugs back the sheets and sets me underneath them, chest heaving. I lick my lips.

The room is even darker and the rain sounds echo. Ben crawls on top of me and tugs the blankets over us. I hold his shoulders as he shifts between my thighs and meets the throbbing spot. It’s my clit, I think. Ben keeps his clothes on as he adjusts the pillows behind my head and rubs against me.

 “Just this for now,” he whispers. “If you want to play with yourself, go ahead, sweetheart. Okay?”

 “…Okay.” I squirm my legs. “What… What is this, Ben? Am I being weird?”

My brother shakes his head and kisses my temple. “Not at all. This is whatever you want it to be.”

So I let Ben keep going until he climaxes, too, and curl up beside him. I smile as I fall asleep. Whatever I want it to be… that’s okay with me.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uhhhh  
> hey i'm here  
> anyway
> 
> CW: explicit underage.... 15 rey 28 (30??? don't remember) ben  
> doing it awkwardly  
> i'm sorry

The rain doesn’t let up.

It’s dark and cool when I wake up to the sound of it still drumming in the windows in the middle of the night. I glance at my brother fast asleep beside me and think he might look peaceful for the first time since I’ve met him. I stare at his long face for a minute before shifting closer to him to trace my fingertips along his cheek. Beautiful, maybe.

Ben mumbles in his sleep and his arm tightens around my waist. I smile and draw my fingers through his soft black hair, rubbing it between the pads to feel the texture. Mom says he keeps it long to hide his ears. Poor guy.

Thunder rumbles. It feels like everyone is letting me down lately. Mom isn’t around much, Rose is too busy with her mysterious boyfriend, and Jessika is always with Poe somewhere. But Ben likes me. Maybe he loves me. He buys me things and wants to be close to me, and the stuff we do feels good.

I turn on my other side and scoot closer to Ben, pressing my back against his chest. He moves a little and yawns and nuzzles into my hair. It’s not like he’s making me do anything I don’t want to do.

 “Mmf… should’ve brought you home,” he murmurs in a sleepy voice. “School tomorrow.”

 “It’s fine.”

Ben yawns again and turns away for a second to get his phone from the nightstand. I peer at him over my shoulder while he texts again and wish I could see who it was. Probably mom. She knows I’m with him, but she’ll still worry. Like she always does.

He rolls back over and hugs me until I squeal and squirm. I grimace when he kisses my neck and kick my feet, laughing but still trying to get away. Ben grabs my hip to hold me against his groin and smacks kisses down my neck and over my shoulder. The bed creaks a little and the blankets shift.

He sighs. “You’re so sweet, Rey. Such a good kid.” His fingertips graze my thigh and he kisses my temple. “I won’t let anyone take that away from you. The world will chew you up and spit you out.”

 “How so?” I ask, frowning.

 “You’re a good girl. People pick up on that and take advantage.” Ben moves closer, curling his fingers around my thigh. “But I won’t.”

I stare at the wall across the dark room as Ben slides his fingertips up under my nightgown. He kisses my jaw and gently rolls his hips against my butt like always, then hooks his thumb under the hip hem of my panties. I shiver as his lips drift down my neck and realize with mixed surprise and excitement that he’s kissing me—like really kissing me.

Ben slips his other arm under my head and bends his elbow to brush my hair from my forehead. I push back into his groin, mouth going dry, and clench the sheets as his hand drifts higher. My stomach muscles  tighten.

 “Shh,” he whispers against my skin, “don’t be nervous, sweetheart. I won’t hurt you.” He strokes my stomach and kisses my shoulder. “Did you like what daddy bought you today?”

 “Uh…” I swallow hard, shrugging. “I don’t know. I guess.”

 “What else can I get to make you happy?”

I laugh weakly. “A car?”

 “Maybe, when you’re old enough to appreciate it.” His index finger dips into my belly button as his hand skates down my body. “We can go to the book store after school tomorrow. What’s your favorite book? You seem like you read a lot.”

My thoughts swim as Ben drifts his middle two fingers between my thighs with one soft stroke. He stays outside my panties, kissing my neck and almost petting me like a cat. My breath hitches and I push my hips into his groin as he slowly rolls his hips. This is dangerous territory. I know it. I’m not an _idiot._ But Ben keeps kissing me and acting like nothing’s wrong, and I convince myself that nothing’s wrong.

 “ _Pride and Prejudice,_ ” I manage in a squeak.

 “That’s a good one. What else?”

Ben adds more pressure. It’s tantalizing and I squirm towards his fingers, enjoying the pleasant tingling. He casually runs his fingers through my hair and hums. Lightning flashes and I can see his open closet across the bedroom. There’s something pink inside.

I cling to the sheets. “…Harry Potter?”

 “Mm, also good. But, princess…” Ben draws his fingers back and finally slips just his middle finger under the hem of my panties, and traces a line down my slit. “Daddy doesn’t want you reading things like that anymore. It might upset you.”

My body lights up at the touch. I whimper and wriggle, uneasy, but nod to Ben’s words. He twists his wrist in my panties like he’s enjoying stretching them and continues very lightly stroking along my slit. Okay… this is bad. I need to stop him. But I get a weird throb of pleasure whenever he says ‘daddy,’ and I don’t know why. Maybe because I called Han that? But I never—

I shudder. Ben coos to me and sets his phone beside us on the bed. He kisses the side of my head and scrolls through with his hand under my head, on some porn site. His other fingers drift along between my legs and through the hair I wish I’d shaved.

He clicks on one with a girl lying on her stomach under a man. I stiffen as moaning floats through the quiet bedroom, but Ben doesn’t seem bothered. He keeps kissing my neck and stroking my hair. My eyes widen as the man pushes his penis inside the woman. It feels a lot different than the couch.

Ben touches a spot at the top of my slit, rubbing small circles. “Have you ever played with yourself before?”

I shake my head quickly. “No—no.”

 “I didn’t think so—not a good girl like you.” He presses down a little and I gasp. “Why don’t you play with daddy?”

It feels _good._ I nod in agreement and watch the video Ben put up, and soon feel wetness gathering between my legs. My breaths come in small pants and I shift my hips to get closer to my brother’s hand. His fingers are thick and rough but it feels really _freakin’_ good. It’s like the last time he bent me over the bed and last night rubbing on top of him.

Ben noses in my hair. “You’re so soft.”

I don’t know what that means. I keep going, trying to find the right angle, but it feels like too much pressure in one spot. I roll over on my side and grasp the front of Ben’s shirt to pull my body against his, and go back to bucking my hips. He laughs a little and gently turns me on my back, settling between my thighs. I keep clinging to his shirt and hook my bare knees on his hips.

Ben buries his face in the pillows and gently rocks forward while my wandering hands slide to his hips, pushing and tugging on his sweatpants. He’s heavy and huge but that just makes me even more aroused. I whimper and squirm and close my eyes to the sounds of other people moaning, bodies slipping together, and _that’s what I want._

 “So impatient,” he mumbles. “You like this better?”

I nod and push further on his sweatpants. Ben doesn’t try to stop me and keeps rolling his hips as my small fingers scramble on his hard, pale skin. I lift my head up a little and catch a glimpse of the arch of his lower back, muscles flexing as he moves, and get his pants past his hip bones. He still doesn’t react. He keeps his pace and breathes into my neck.

The same hard warmth from his classroom presses at the apex of my thighs and I shiver with excitement. I’m so dizzy with lust that I’m not thinking straight, and I assume the best of Ben. He rubs against me, stifling his breaths, and thunder rumbles through the window. Light dances on the bed.

Ben’s heart pounds on my chest. Fingertips graze my thigh, tugging my panties down just a little bit, and I do the same subtle motion on the other side. They slip down my thighs to my knees and Ben uses a knee to move them out of the way. I cling to him, breathing slowly, and stare up at the ceiling. I’m about to do this. I’m about to do this. I shouldn’t.

He edges closer. I start when I feel his cock prodding me, centimeters from penetration. We should use a condom. But Ben swallows and I widen my legs and slowly, gently, he pushes inside.

It feels like pressure, and fullness. I wince and bite my lower lip, feeling every inch he spreads open, and Ben gasps into the pillows. Time seems to stand still as the adoptive brother I still barely know moves inside my body with tentative thrusts, maybe trying not to hurt me, or maybe in disbelief like I am. It feels good—it feels right—but it hurts all the same.

Ben gradually fills me all the way after a few more thrusts. He groans and kisses the side of my neck, now sucking on my skin in a way I know will leave marks. I feel skewered, kind of, but it feels good. Soon he starts pulling in and out and I move my hips around to figure out what position works. It’s hard, though, so I end up lying under him and trying to work through what I’m thinking and feeling. Ben keeps going slow and doesn’t say much.

The excitement fades away after a few minutes and I feel sick instead. Ben keeps kissing my neck and making sounds like he’s enjoying himself, but I feel gross. The bed creaks every time he thrusts and the porn video ends as our bodies start making slick sticky sounds instead. I just keep my legs on his hips and wait for it to be over.

 “Fuck!” Ben grunts. “God… _fuck!_ ”

His cock twitches inside me and I stiffen when he gasps and thrusts faster. I realize what’s happening and panic, scrambling to get him off me, but Ben bears down his weight to keep me my going anywhere. He groans again ‘ _oh god; oh god_ ’ and I breathe heavily as he comes inside me with a low guttural grunt. My stomach lurches.

Ben pants for a minute after he’s done. I stare at the ceiling in utter shock and my eyes well up with tears. What did I just do?

He kisses my temple. “Rey… I’m so sorry.”

I try to smile. “It’s… it’s okay.”

My brother leans back to look me in the eyes and I’m surprised to see him teary-eyed, too. He kisses my forehead hard and tears drip on my cheeks.

 “I’m so sorry.” He shifts, pushing into me more, and hides his face in my neck. “I’m so sorry… I’m so sorry.” His body shudders and he starts crying as he wraps his arms around me. “I’m so sorry!”

I’m a bit more concerned about the semen inside me but hug Ben back. He cries and holds me until he’s maybe too tired to keep crying. I lie there silently and just feel even worse for him. He left home at sixteen… poor guy. He’s so sad and lonely. And… we both made a mistake. It was an accident.

It makes me feel even closer to him. Ben’s crying slows down after a while and he starts kissing my jaw and shifts his hips.

 “I love you so much, princess,” he whispers. “I really do.”

 “I… I know,” I mumble into his shoulder. “…Daddy.”

Ben nods and rocks inside me. He smears tears on my cheek. “I’m sorry. I love you.” He kisses my tears away. “I don’t want to hurt you. It happened to fast—I love you, Rey. I’ll take care of you.”

My body reacts. I can feel his spend leaking out of me as Ben goes back to slowly thrusting and mutters and apologizes. It feels good being close to him. I still feel safe. I nuzzle into his hair and close my eyes. Ben. He loves me. He said so.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you will never look at paw patrol the same way again
> 
> Cw: extreme dubcon, possibly noncon

_Warm summer afternoon, lying in bed with Han with the windows open. It smells sweet, like flowers and toasty sunshine and fabric softener. Han yawns and rubs his scratchy beard. I’ve learned things I shouldn’t know at my age. I love daddy, so I want to show him._

_“Hey,” I whisper._

_“Mmf? What, kid?”_

_He pretends I annoy him, but I know I don’t. I grab one of the pillows, and Han watches with one eye open as I push it under my hips and rub myself on it._

_“Feels good,” I mumble._

_Han rips the pillow away and grabs my arm, yanking me upright. I panic and shrink back._

_“Where did you learn that, Rey?!” he snaps._

_“The… the doctor showed me!”_

Dampness drags me out of my nightmare.

My eyes snap open and I scramble up in bed as I realize it’s all wet. I burst into tears, humiliated, and Ben jerks awake beside me. He’s groggy and confused, but figures out what’s happening in the next second. He tugs back the comforter to reveal the big wet spot and I sob hysterically.

 “I’m so sorry!” I wail. “I’m so sorry!”

Ben scoops me up under my armpits like a rag doll and shuffles to the dry side of the bed. He holds me against his chest and strokes my hair and I cry into his shirt. The storm let up at least. It’s dawn, and soft light filters in through the window.

 “It’s okay,” he whispers, “it’s okay. You don’t have to apologize.”

 “It was an accident!” I warble.

 “I know. I used to do it, too.”

We stay that way until I’m slightly less hysterical. Ben carries me to his dresser and takes some things out I can’t see, then we go down the hall to the bathroom. My thighs are sticky and I’m trembling from crying so hard. I’m so embarrassed I could _die._

He sets me down on the counter and takes my clothes off. I catch a glimpse of dried white stuff on my panties and realize part of the stickiness might be from Ben. It makes my pulse pound as he strips out of his clothes, too, and puts it all in a pile. I stare at his collarbone, too nervous to look any lower.

We wait for a second outside the shower while it warms up. I shiver, arms folded over my chest, and Ben strokes my back with his fingertips. He wraps his arm around me and I look up to see he’s watching my face. He suddenly leans down and kisses me on the lips—just for a second. I blink at him in shock and he shrugs sheepishly.

 “We haven’t kissed yet,” he says.

My lips tingle and I touch them as Ben helps me into his claw foot bathtub. We haven’t, have we?

The spray warms up my skin. Ben helps wash me off and washes himself, too. He stands in front of me, blocking most of the water, and kisses my neck when we’re done. I close my eyes and take a deep breath.

 “Is that better?” he murmurs.

 “Yes—thank you.”

Ben looms over me. He’s so _tall._ He nods as he kisses a line up my neck and across my cheek to the corner of my mouth. My heart pounds as he gently touches my cheek to turn my head and then he’s kissing me again, but this time his tongue is in my mouth. I don’t really know what to do, so I try to kiss him back and keeps my arms at my sides. Ben cups my cheek and steps closer under the torrent of water.

His penis presses right near my belly button and I fear lances through me. Ben holds the small of my back with his other hand and deepens the kiss and I settle my hands on his chest, nervous. We can’t do it here. So… I’m safe.

He breaks the kiss by tugging my lower lip and presses his forehead to mine. “Let’s go back to bed.”

Ben turns off the water and insists on drying me off. He helps me step into clean black panties that aren’t mine and pulls one of his college T-shirts over my head. I tug the front to read it: ‘ _OREGON STATE UNIVERSITY_.’

The sun peaks in the window in Ben’s bedroom. He peels the sheet and I notice a plastic cover underneath, which he also peels off. Leia had one on my bed when the accidents were more frequent. I know Ben said he had them, too—maybe he still does? That’s nice to know. We have that in common.

He puts clean sheets on the bed and guides me back to it. I climb under the gray comforter and snuggle into the pillows while Ben turns on the TV to some kids cartoon channel. Like, little kids; _Paw Patrol_ stuff. The nape of my neck prickles as he slips into bed beside me and curls to my side. His head is heavy on my stomach. I comb my fingers through his damp black hair.

All is quiet. Ben yawns and turns his head a bit to kiss my stomach and I smile, sleepy from the shower and crying. He idly strokes my outer thigh.

The phone rings.

Ben groans and rolls over to pick it up. “Hello?!” he snaps.

I take the chance to reach for the remote at the foot of the bed, arching on my elbows with my butt in the air. Ben wraps an arm under my hips in a split second and I can’t wriggle away from him, leaving me trapped on my elbows and knees. I huff and kick my feet and he keeps talking on the phone.

 “Rey and I are both sick,” he says, wrestling to keep me still with one arm. “…Yeah, I’ll call the school. I have to call in, anyway.” He almost drops his phone when I shove back into his groin. “Ah—no, probably don’t come over—she’s puking and shit. She’s asleep so I’ll call later. Yep. Love you. Bye.”

Ben chucks the phone and snatches the remote from me. I whine and try to turn over and get it back, but he forces me to stay on my knees and elbows with the dumb kid show playing.

 “I don’t want to watch this!” I hiss. “It’s boring!”

 “This is what’s appropriate for you.” He leans over me, yanking my panties past my thighs. “Daddy knows what’s best for you, sweetheart. Go to bed and watch your show.”

 “No!”

My stomach clenches at the sensation of Ben prodding my entrance again. He pushes inside me without warning and I cry out in shock, squirming away from the sharp pain. But he breathes in my hair and I have to keep my back arched or it hurts even more. My flesh pulses around him like he’s a sliver under my skin.

Ben clasps his hands over the top of mine. “You’ll watch the show—and you’ll _like_ _it_.” He kisses the side of my head, thrusting at an even pace. “Tell daddy how much you like _Paw Patrol.”_

The bed creaks and my body shifts forward on the sheets. I whimper and watch the animated dogs on the TV and nod. If it’s morning, why do I feel like the night is never going to end?

 “I like it,” I whisper.

 “Mhm. And who’s your favorite character?”

I swallow hard. “The… the police dog?”

Ben laughs in a pant, reaching back for something. “Of course it is.” He pushes a pillow under my hips and kisses along my hairline. “My good girl watching her favorite show. Don’t talk back to me, okay?”

 “O-okay.”

 “Next time I’ll have to spank you, and I’m sure you won’t like that.”

I shake my head and my brother makes a sympathetic noise in my ear. He keeps thrusting, faster than last night, and I’m so overwhelmed that I can’t even think about having an orgasm. I listen to the show and Ben groaning in my ear and wonder if he really does feel bad about last night. He ebbs and flows inside me like a tide and I feel like a vast, empty hole waiting to be filled. It’s not a good feeling.

He grabs my hip to angle me up and plunges deeper, drawing a squeak from me. Ben coos and nuzzles my cheek.

 “It’s okay,” he whispers. “This is fine. This is good. We’re doing this because we love each other.”

My throat feels scratchy. “You… love me?”

 “Oh, yes—yes—” Ben’s voice breaks a little and he groans. “God, yes. You’re so tight, Rey. So wet and warm and such a _tight_ little pussy.” He nips my earlobe. “You like my cock? You want your big brother’s cum?”

 “I… I…”

The doorbell rings.

Ben stops for a minute, shifting his weight to his palms to look at the bedroom door. I peer up, trapped under his weight, and we both lie silently until the doorbell rings again. The person knocks.

 “Ben?” It’s Paige. She sounds like she’s been crying. “Can we talk?”

 “Motherfucker,” Ben snaps. He doesn’t get up, though. He lies on top of me again and goes back to thrusting. His palm covers my mouth. “Stay nice and quiet, baby.”

The bed doesn’t. The sheets make noise and the protector crinkles every time Ben moves and Paige knocks again. He buries his face next to my jaw and struggles to stifle his groans of pleasure, and I feel him throbbing inside me. I’m worried about being caught, but it also seems to turn me on, and I tentatively roll my hips into the pillow.

Ben nods, whispering. “Good girl.”

We stay as quiet as we can. I whimper into Ben’s palm and alternate pushing back into his thrusts and rubbing down on the pillow. It feels overwhelming, but it feels amazing, and I gasp and curl my toes as the pleasure peaks.

Ben digs his nails into my hips and finally lets out a low ‘ _fuck!’_ as I pulse around him. It’s way more satisfying with him inside me and ten times more intense and I can’t hold back a surprised, high-pitched moan. He bites down on my shoulder as he finishes too with frantic deep breaths, pushing deep enough to make it hurt. His hips still and I panic again as he spills inside me with a low grunt.

Paige knocks. “Ben, please—I saw your car outside.”

 “Fuck!” he spits, bucking his hips. “ _Fuck!_ ”

I wish he’d stop swearing. Ben gasps when he’s done and pants in my hair. We’re both sweaty and our skin sticks together. I feel his semen leaking out of me.

He swallows, still trying to catch his breath. “Still gotta call the damn school—”

Paige calls again, but Ben ignores her. He tugs the pillow out from under me and kisses my back as he slips out of my body. I lie still and stare at the commercial for some new toy flickering across the screen, and Ben fixes his sweatpants like nothing’s wrong. He picks up his phone and makes the call to say he’s sick and can’t come in.

I slowly sit up when he leaves the room. Ben hangs up his phone and I hear his door open real abruptly, then he starts shouting at Paige. It closes and I can’t hear much, just her crying and Ben yelling at her. Eek. He yells just like Han used to.

My legs are all wobbly when I get up. I stumble for a second, dizzy, and wander down the hall to the bathroom to clean up.

Ben’s still arguing with Paige when I’m done. I head to his bedroom and change the channel to basketball, which I watch while putting on my panties and my brother’s shirt. I start to get back in bed when I notice the pink thing again in the closet. Curious, I wander over and push the door open.

It’s… an old blanket. I frown and touch the soft material, wondering why Ben has an old pink blanket hanging up. When I peek inside the closet past the blanket, I see a lot more hanging up.

Clothes. Lots of clothes. Some are his dressy clothes, but there’s other stuff hidden between the shirts and slacks. I find a onesie with a white bear on the front, a few other nightgowns, stockings, skirts, and blouses. There’s T-shirts with _Paw Patrol_ characters and other kiddie stuff. I step on a package of… diapers? Slowly I pick up on bibs, fluffy slippers, bottles, and pacifiers. Does Ben have a kid?

 “Rey?”

I turn and find him standing at the closet door. He smiles as I brush my fingers across the row of clothes.

 “What’s this all for?” I ask.

 “Nothing you need to worry about.” Ben holds out his hand. “Come on, lets go back to bed for a bit. You look sleepy.”

Sure am. I shrug and accept the gesture, and he leads me out of the closet and back to the bed. I’m kind of ignoring what’s happening. It makes it easier to deal with. If I sit and think about it, I’ll panic.  


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lmao i done did it

 “I mean, we’re not even real siblings.”

I’m eating breakfast in the kitchen with Ben sitting across from me. It’s been a month or so since we had sex and he can’t stop rationalizing it every time we’re together. I’ve learned to tune him out and nod at the right times. I honestly don’t care. He gave me Plan B and I’m on birth control now, so whatever.

He drums his long fingers on the island, all tense and nervous. “The age of consent is fifteen in a lot of countries, Rey. Did you know that?”

 “Nope,” I chirp, scrolling through my phone.

 “Crazy. Fucking _seventeen._ How was I supposed to wait for you to turn _seventeen?_ Yeah right—and let some fuckin’ teenage boy take advantage of you?” Ben scratches his beard and shakes his head. “No way. At least I love you.”

I nod without looking up. “I know. I love you, too.”

 “Good. Good.”

Mom is already at work. She’s happy Ben is spending so much time with me, but she obviously doesn’t know what’s going on. I don’t really have time for my friends anymore, either. Ben picks me up for school in the morning and drops me off at night. He tries to keep my weekends busy, too.

I finish breakfast and put my dishes in the washer. Ben comes over to fuss about how my hair looks thin and curls strands behind my ears so he can look at my face. He kisses me once, then slips his tongue in my mouth and makes out with me in the sloppy, desperate way he usually does. I cling to his blue dress shirt as he shoves me into the counter and his hands scramble to my skirt.

 “I love you so much,” he mumbles, more to himself than me. He buries his face in my neck, practically tearing my panties off in his haste to get them down. “You’re such a good girl.”

Then he turns me around and lifts my hips, and I’m full of his cock. The tips of my toes barley brush the floor as Ben groans and buries himself inside me as deep as he can. He grasps at the kitchen counter and my hip and thrusts hard and fast while I moan and take it. It feels good—it feels so good.

His belt clinks each time he moves his hips and the cabinets rattle. Otherwise it’s all sounds of us breathing and our skin squeaking on the counter or coming together with wet smacks. Ben pants in my hair and grabs my thigh, so I know he’s close to coming. I push back into his thrusts to help him along and try to avoid the sharp edge of the counter.

 “Fuck… fuck…” Ben kisses my neck and breathes in my ear. “Daddy’s gonna fill you up—hot little fucking skirt—just asking for it—”

The front door opens. “Ben? Rey? You guys are still here?”

I scramble away from my brother and hurry to fix my panties and skirt. Ben swears and tries to hide his erection, turning to conceal it behind the island as our mother clicks her way into the kitchen in her heels. I stand next to Ben and try to look relaxed.

Mom looks nice in her pantsuit with her hair done up. She smiles when she sees us and laughs.

 “Going for seconds, Rey? You’re always so hungry.” She snaps when she sees what she forgot—her briefcase. “Ah! Knew I forgot something. Ben, get your sister to school before she turns into a slacker like you.”

He watches her thumb through the briefcase. “We wouldn’t want that.”

Then I feel his hand on my butt and he squeezes. He slips his palm down and pushes his middle finger inside me from behind, refusing to stop when I shift my hips. Mom casts him a small smile.

 “I’m teasing. Don’t be so serious all the time.” She wanders over, still about ten feet away, scrolling through her phone. “I have to go away again—feels like I’m never home. You okay alone, Rey? Ben can pop in if you’re scared.”

He pushes deeper. “I’d be happy to stop by. Teenagers are so impressionable.”

 “Mhm.” Leia points at me. “And no boys. Your father will have another stroke from the grave.”

Oh god. I’m still so sensitive from sex that Ben’s touch feels more intense than usual. He pumps his finger and yanks me closer when mom looks away again. Our bodies are obscured from the waist down, including Ben’s cock still glistening from my bodily fluids and hanging out of his open slacks. He pretends to look behind my head and whispers.

 “No boys, sweetheart.” His nose brushes my hair. “Except daddy.”

Mom looks up and waves. “Well, I’m off. Have a good day at school, kids.”

Ben edges behind me, feigning a hug, and mutters ‘up.’ I lean on my tiptoes and feel white hot shame as he sucks his middle finger behind my head, then abruptly pushes his cock inside me. Mom doesn’t look up until she gets to the door, and Ben pretends he’s giving me a bear hug.

She laughs. “Since when are you so affectionate, Ben?”

He gives a hard thrust and kisses my temple. “I just _love_ my little sister.”

 “Guess so!”

Then she leaves, locking the door behind her.  

Ben suddenly pulls out and roughly takes my hand. He drags me upstairs without a word and down the hall to mom’s bedroom. I can’t get a word in edgewise as he pushes me on her green sheets.

He comes up behind me, dragging her pillow under my hips, and yanks down my panties. Ben sinks inside me again before I can ask him what the hell he’s doing and I yelp into the pillows. He digs his nails in my hips to hold me in place.

 “We wouldn’t want mommy’s princess to be tainted,” Ben snaps as he fucks me harder than usual. He leans across my back and pants in my ear. “Good thing big brother is here to protect her.”

 “Ben—this is mom’s—”

He covers my mouth. “No boys.” His fingers tighten painfully. “No _fucking_ boys. Don’t want to turn into a fucking loser like your brother.”

It doesn’t take him much longer to climax. Ben grunts and inhales the scent of mom’s pillows, bucking his hips hard as he throbs inside me. He fists the sheets and gasps, hips stilling, and I breathe hard into his palm. I’m close despite how weird it is and keep rubbing on the pillow while Ben catches his breath.

He reaches down to push it up into my thrusts. “I’m fucking affectionate.” His hard breaths tickle my skin as he gives me a hard kiss on the side of my head. “You think I’m affectionate, right?”

Cum begins leaking onto the pillow. I nod and whimper, tension building in my clit. Ben nods too and tries to push his softening cock deeper inside me. We push back and forth that way until I finish with a soft moan, flexing into the pillow and his hips. Ben whispers ‘my good girl’ and kisses me gently all over my head while I catch my breath.

He hums. “I love you, kid.” Then his voice changes, growing deeper and sharp. “You think I’m affectionate, right?”

 “Yeah, you goon,” I mumble.

 “Good. Good.” Ben nods and settles in on top of me with more lazy kisses. “Good.”

We fall asleep that way and obviously miss school. Someone calls Ben and he groggily answers, still lying on top of me, and mutters an excuse as he kisses the back of my neck. They chatter away even when he hangs up and chucks the phone off the bed.

He latches on to the nape of my neck and sucks softly, adjusting his hips. I mewl, coming back to hazy awareness, and Ben mimics the sound. He laughs when I make a sleepy annoyed growl and it drifts into a moan as he gently eases his cock inside me. I’m still slick with cum and half-asleep.

 “I’m sorry for being rough earlier,” he whispers in my ear. “Why don’t we go to the mall…” He kisses my jaw. “And daddy can buy you…” My neck next. “A present?”

I smile. “M’kay. I need body spray.”

 “Maybe a bracelet, too?”

 “Mm. Mhm.”

Ben rubs his cheek on mine and rolls his hips nice and slow. I rub on the pillow at the same pace, swelling the tension for an orgasm gradually, and sigh into the pillows. He keeps giving me soft kisses and murmuring compliments, and I kind of forget that I should be mad for earlier.

I squirm until I come, and Ben follows right after. He groans and I feel warm wetness again after his hips still. I’m on birth control now, so no big deal.

We finally get up and clean ourselves off. Ben growls and slaps my butt on our way downstairs and I whine and swat him away. He stands at the mirror by the front door to fix his tie and I text Rose.

 “Who are you talking to?” he asks.

 “Rose, duh. She’s so busy now.” I shrug and tug on my skirt. “I think she has a boyfriend she’s hiding from me. Isn’t that weird?”

 “Who gives a shit? She’s fifteen. They have a new ‘boyfriend’ every hour.” Ben runs a hand through his black mop and looks down at me. He huffs, fixing my hair. “Come on, Rey; you’re a fucking mess. Did you even brush your hair? People can tell you’ve had sex by the way your hair looks.”

I bristle and growl. “I’m fifteen, too. Quit touching my hair, Ben!”

He doesn’t, and he doesn’t respond to me reminding him of my age. When he’s done he pulls up my top and mutters about me letting my tits hang out. I roll my eyes and he threatens to spank me.

We head to the local mall together. Ben follows me into different stores and buys whatever I ask for. Some of the cashiers give us weird looks when I hug him around the waist. We obviously don’t look alike, so they aren’t sure if we’re siblings or what. If only they knew.

Ben has me try on some other stuff, like lingerie, and ends up having sex with me in the fitting room at Victoria’s Secret. He covers my mouth and I lean on the mirror, and for the first time I can see the look on his face during sex. He smiles a lot, between his dark eyes rolling back and lips parting when he pants. We have to be quiet, so he mouths ‘fuck’ a lot, and accidentally breathes ‘oh god’ when he comes inside me. I don’t finish, but watching him bite his lower lip and grunt once as he climaxes is satisfying on its own.

Then we head back to the house. Ben listens to me ramble about school with his head resting on his fist, alternating shifting and steering with his other hand, and grunts sometimes. He carries my things out of the car and leads me into the house.

 “Rey?! Rey?!”

Mom comes flying out of the living room, crying her eyes out. I panic and hug her and she squeezes me until I can’t breathe. She holds me at arm’s length and shakes her head, sobbing. Thankfully we left the more sensitive stuff in the car.

 “What’s wrong?” Ben demands.

She glances at my brother and shakes her head again. “It’s all my fault. I shouldn’t have brought her here.”

My heart falls through my stomach. Ben blanches as mom leaves the room and comes back with her pillow that has super obvious stains on it. I glance up at my brother and see he’s white as a sheet. Even his pink lips are pale.

Mom’s lower lip trembles. “I know your brother and I can’t stop you from doing everything, Rey, but… skipping school to have sex?” She covers her mouth and looks at Ben. “I know it’s not your fault.”

Ben finally breathes. He nods in agreement and clears his throat. “Yeah—yup. Thanks. I think she just ducked out during lunch.”

I’m humiliated. Mom lays into my about unsafe sex and demands I tell her who the boy is and go get a pregnancy test. I show her my birth control and she cries again, flinging herself in Ben’s arms. He pats her back and gives me a smug smirk.

But we have to do what she wants. We go _as a family_ to the local clinic, and I have an exam. Of course I don’t have any STDs. Ben hands mom tissues and she blots the tears away.

 “This is so upsetting, Ben.” She trembles as she throws the tissue away. “Some boy at that school has his hands all over your sister!”

 “Mom!” I snap. “Quit being gross!”

Ben rubs mom’s back. “Kids start younger and younger.”

Someone knocks on the door. I huff and cross my arms as the doctor steps in with a stony expression. Mom isn’t looking, but Ben and I are. We both know what he’s going to say. I shake my head and feel sick, but Ben cracks a smile.

The doctor gives me a pitying look. “Mrs. Solo, it appears that your daughter is pregnant.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -drops another chapter- whoops
> 
> sometimes i don't tag stuff because it ruins the surprise, and then i can't read all your horrified reactions and get my jollies 
> 
> yes, in the U.S., your insurance company can make you gestate until 10-12 weeks until they pay for an abortion  
> yes, i live in a hellhole

We schedule the abortion for seven weeks from now. Our insurance company won’t pay until ten weeks and the doctor guesses I’m about three weeks pregnant. That means Ben got me pregnant the first time we had sex, just like I feared.

Ben keeps pressing his lips together to hide his smile while mom flips out. She demands to know who I had sex with until Ben steers her out of the room and offers to take me for a few days. I stare at the floor and she weeps and begs him to find out who ‘ruined’ me. I’m not even sure I want an abortion, but it’s probably for the best.

I’m pretty much in shock. I can’t think.

My brother scoops me into his arms once we’re in his apartment and kisses me deeply. He keeps going until I squirm away, then he turns in circles and nods, laughing. At least someone’s happy.

Ben runs his fingers through his hair. “We’re having a baby.” His dark eyes settle on my stomach and he drops to his knees in front of me, holding my hips in his huge hands. “Perfect.”

 “No,” I mutter, “mom’s making me abort it.”

 “I’ll take care of that. Our baby isn’t going anywhere.” Ben shakes his head and nuzzles my stomach. “She’s not taking anything else away from me.”

“But—it’ll be so embarrassing at school!”

He smiles, worlds away. “I know _exactly_ who to pin it on, too. We’ll head back over to mom’s after she leaves for her flight.”

I push Ben away, shaking my head. “You’re the only person I’ve slept with.”

 “I know, baby—so I need you to have sex with someone else just this once so we can blame him.”

 _What?_ Ben’s smile fades as I back away from him, staring into his dark eyes. I’m not having sex with someone else. I’m just having an abortion and the whole mess will be over with. Then I’m telling mom about what I’ve been doing with Ben. We have to stop. I’m _pregnant._

My lower lip quivers. “You’re scaring me. I don’t want to do this, Ben.”

He stands up and shakes his head, waving his hands. “There’s nothing to be afraid of. I’ll take care of everything else. But if they know we have sex, I’m going to get in huge trouble. Mom’s going to want an answer about who got you pregnant, too—so we have to find someone.”

 “I don’t want to,” I sob. “I don’t want to do this!”

Ben seizes my wrist before I can run away to cry alone. He holds me tight when I try to escape and I scream because I’m fifteen and pregnant and I don’t want a fucking baby. My brother murmurs in my hair and strokes my head while I cry. Eventually, I give in and hug him back.

We go to bed. At first we just cuddle in silence for a while, until Ben gets handsy. He rubs against my butt, then tugs down my panties and enters me from behind. A cartoon plays softly in the background, mingling with the sound of the sheets and mattress protector rustling and our breathing. He wipes my tears away with his thumb.

 “You’re so beautiful.” Ben shifts closer, lifting my thigh to push deeper. “Don’t cry.”

I just nod and sniffle. He coos and helps edge a pillow under my hips, then angles us so he’s lying partially on top of me. Ben slides a hand up to my breast to touch my nipple and smiles into my neck.

 “You’ll make milk soon,” he whispers. He strokes with the pad of his thumb. “My good girl growing our baby.”

He holds the pillow still and thrusts in time with me until I climax with a stifled breath. Ben keeps playing with my nipples and fluid eventually beads at the tip. I squirm uncomfortably as he slips under my arm and wraps himself around my body to suck my nipple into his mouth. He keeps up with shallow thrusts and moans and massages my breast.

A few more minutes pass before Ben groans and pushes down on my hip as he comes. He grunts and struggles closer, arching my thigh and ignoring my whimpers. We catch our breath and his phone rings on the nightstand. Ben answers it, still inside me and giving me kisses on top of my head.

 “Hey mom,” he mumbles. “…Yeah, I was out for a jog. Rey’s taking a nap.” He nuzzles the side of my head. “Have a safe flight. Call us when you get there.”

Ben hangs up. He sighs and pulls me into his arms and we fall asleep for a few hours.

I get up after a bit and go to the bathroom to clean up and get an Advil. Yawning, I pop open the medicine cabinet and find a few orange bottles mixed in with the over the counter stuff. I’m nosy as hell and I pick through and find things like Zoloft, Xanax, Vicodin, and Geodon. Huh. It’s not a big deal. Rose takes Wellbutrin and Jess is on a few things. Poor Ben. He’s sick.

We go over to mom’s when it’s dark. Ben holds my hand the whole time and now he’s the one constantly talking. I think about the baby stuff in his closet and frown out the window. Most of it looked new—some still had tags. He said it wasn’t any of my concern, but what was he doing with baby stuff?

He wasn’t… _planning_ this. Ben would never…

I rifle through my bag and check the bottle of birth control pills without showing my brother. There’s no label. He says he got them from a friend so mom wouldn’t know. I turn the bottle upside down and see the white pills in a pile near the lid. They don’t have any markings. Don’t pills have markings?

 “Excited to meet your baby daddy?”

My gaze snaps up. Ben grins at me and squeezes my thigh. He’s way too happy about this.

I swallow hard. “Who… who is it?”

 “You’ll see. He’s clean.” Ben laughs and shakes his head as he shifts gears. “He’ll fuck anything with a pulse.”

 “Will you stay?” I ask timidly. “Just in case?”

 “Of course. As soon as he comes I’ll mysteriously storm inside and break his fucking face. If he tries anything besides sex, I’ll stop him.”

My heart pounds. I just want to know who it is. I wish I could be drunk so I don’t remember. Ben strokes my hair and promises he won’t leave. I still cry during the drive to the house, and cry when I’m alone inside waiting for Ben to come back from hiding the car.

It’s dark. I wander out to the living room and struggle to rein in my sobs. I don’t want to do this… I just want everything to be over. But mom won’t stop until we find someone to blame, and I know she’ll immediately call his parents. He’ll have to be gullible and I only know one gullible horndog.

Ben comes home and kisses me for a while on the couch while we wait. Around nine the doorbell rings and Ben kisses my stomach before he goes upstairs to hide. Trembling, I walk to the front door and hesitantly open it.

Poe is leaning on the doorframe, smacking gum. He smiles at my shocked stare and swings inside, shutting the door behind him. Poe… Poe Dameron?! He’s eighteen and he’s Jessika’s boyfriend! He doesn’t even live with his parents!

He’s wearing his football jacket and jeans and peers around the empty house. “I didn’t think you were serious about hooking up. Is Jess here to jump me or something?”

 “P—Poe?!” I stammer.

His dark eyes flicker to me. “…What, you nervous?” He smiles again, bright and flashy. “You weren’t nervous when you were texting me.”

When he shows me the texts, I almost scream for Ben. It’s not even my number. There are gross things about giving Poe a blowjob during math and having sex in his car and me not caring about hurting Jess. I cry all over again and Poe blinks in surprise. The stairs creak—Ben is watching.

Poe puts an arm around my shoulders. “Hey, hey—it’s okay, Rey. Relax. It only hurts a little.” He looks around and pats my arm. “Want to watch a movie and talk first? I mean, I’m not trying to come on too hard, but you were on board—”

I’m afraid to think anymore. I don’t want to drag it out. I lean up a bit to kiss him and he takes a second to kiss me back. The stairs creak again.

Poe groans and yanks me against him. His body is hard like Ben’s, but he’s not nearly as tall. I squeeze my eyes shut and let his tongue in my mouth and we kiss for a minute before he laughs and breaks off.

 “You’re so cute.” He leads me toward the stairs and grins over his shoulder. “I can come over and help you practice kissing if you want.”

 “I’m bad?” I ask with a frown.

 “Well… you’re okay.”

I wasn’t this quiet and shy back home. Now I feel so out of place, like I’m floating around waiting for something to anchor me. Poe gestures to different doors until I point to the guest room and he tugs me inside. Ben’s an anchor, I think.

We don’t talk much. Poe is more straightforward than Ben and strips me out of my clothes quick. He kisses my neck because apparently I’m a bad kisser and I stand there and tremble. His skin is warm and he smells like Axe and peppermint. Ben smells like detergent and… I don’t know. Boy?

Poe edges me toward the bed and laughs. “Are you sure you want to do this? You’re shaking.”

I just nod. I’m used to doing what I’m told by now. He shrugs and goes back to kissing my neck, and tugs the sheets back to help me under them. The bed groans from our weight and I take nervous breaths as Poe settles between my legs.

He leans back and peels off his shirt. “So, you want to do anything else? Oral? Butt stuff?”

 “No,” I mumble. I slowly turn over on my stomach like I always do with Ben.

 “Uh…” Poe turns me back and looks unsure. “Let’s… not do it that way. Feels like I’m fucking a dog.” He hesitates with his fingers on his belt. “Are you okay, Rey?”

 “I’m fine. I’m fine.”

His jaw shifts. He finishes getting naked, which I try not to look at, and lies beside me. I cry _again_ as Poe gently gathers me in his arms and lets me curl into a naked ball of trembling limbs. I feel like leaves look when the last cold breeze of autumn comes through and tries to waggle them off branches. I’m about to fall off my branch.

A long time passes. Poe strokes my back until I stop crying and he kisses me on the lips. I try my best to not suck at it and he guides me a bit. We shift closer together and my fear turns into the same pressure I felt to have sex with Ben in the first place, and I let Poe crawl on top of me again. He rubs between my legs and I squirm at the sensation of his cock so close, and angle my hips to help him along.

He reaches down to adjust, panting. “You’re on birth control, right?”

 “Yeah, but…” I jerk away when he almost pushes inside. Ben _insisted_ we use a condom. “There’s condoms—”

Poe huffs and strokes his head along my entrance. “Aw, then I can’t feel anything.” He presses his forehead to mine and worms deeper, gazing into my eyes. “Please? I’ll pull out.”

When I whimper, he takes it as a ‘yes.’ His hand moves and he slowly pushes inside me. Flesh rearranges and stretches and again I’m an empty ocean being filled up by a man. Poe gasps and swears. He tells me about how tight I am and how good I feel, but it seems like he’s just trying to turn himself on even more. I cling to his back and squeeze my eyes shut.

It ends the same way it does with Ben. Poe grunts and thrusts hard a couple times with his climax. Of course he didn’t pull out. Men never do what they say they will. I grit my teeth and fight back angry tears. Why do they say it if they won’t _do it?_

 “Holy shit,” Poe groans. “Jesus, Rey. That was so good. So good.” His kisses my neck and laughs. “I’m like shaking from coming so hard. Did you?”

 “Yeah,” I lie.

As promised, the door bursts open.

Ben at least lets Poe put on his pants before he decks him. I crawl out of bed and wobble down the hall to the bathroom without saying a word to either of them. They shout and scuffle, but when I come back, Poe is gone. Ben is peeling the sheets and smiles when he sees my blank stare.

 “Good job, sweetheart.” He takes off the pillow cases. “Now we let it sit for a week or two before I tell mom. He’s eighteen, too—he can go to jail y’know. Won’t last a day.”

I fold my arms and shiver. “I feel gross.”

 “At least it’s over now.” He smiles to himself, smug. “And I’ve always wanted to deck Poe Dameron.”

 “Good for you!” I snap.

Both of us pause. Ben stares at me like I slapped him and I scowl back, then glare at the floor. He chucks the pillow on the stripped mattress and walks over to kneel in front of me. He kisses below my belly button, like it should make me feel better. His thumbs stroke my hip bones.

 “I’m sorry,” he murmurs into my skin, looking up at me through his lashes. “Do you want a bath before bed?”

 “…Yes.” I glance at him and look away. “And I want pancakes. Now.”

Ben nods. “Mhm. Sure, sure.” He kisses a trail down. “Anything else?”

 “No,” I grumble.

So, we go take a bath—together—and have sex in the bath with me in Ben’s lap. He kisses my neck runs his fingertips down my spine while the water ripples and splashes around us. His dark eyes drowsily roam across my face, then he leans forward and gently tugs my nipple in his mouth. It’s relaxing. I can nose in his hair now and it smells like… soap.

I feel like we’re always having sex. I finish, Ben finishes, and we dry off. He makes me my pancakes and we eat them upstairs in my bedroom while we watch TV. I’m between his legs, leaning on his chest, wearing just his white T-shirt. He strokes my forearm and sucks syrup off my fingers when I’m done.

It’s quiet calm. I can almost forget having sex with Poe. Almost.

Ben takes my plate and sets it on the nightstand. He wriggles down a bit and rests his hands over my stomach. I grunt and turn over on my stomach instead. He grumbles. We adjust.

 “What was the baby stuff for?” I yawn.

 “Finn. His girlfriend’s pregnant, too.”

I gasp. “Really?! Wow… Rose is going to be so jealous.” Then I scowl and level my eyes with Ben’s. “You didn’t tell me you picked Poe—or that you’ve been hitting on him _for_ me. You know he’s dating my best friend Jessika, right?”

Ben rolls his eyes. “I don’t remember that kind of shit, Rey. All that matters is we have someone to blame. Now go the fuck to sleep. Mom wants me to bring you to therapy after school tomorrow.”

Therapy—weird. I snuggle under Ben’s chin and he wraps his arms around me. I don’t need therapy.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> le angst

Armitage Hux is a weird shrink.

He’s tall and skinny, with red hair and bright eyes, and he stares at me while I talk. He’s a little older than Ben and no-nonsense, with his tablet that records everything I say. I don’t need therapy. I’m not crazy. I’m not even unstable. I’m happy.

Dr. Hux shrugs. “The abortion will be difficult, Rey. Will the father attend?”

 “No. I don’t care.”

 “Why? Does that make it easier for you?”

I bristle. “It’s easy no matter what. He can do whatever he wants. We had sex once; there’s nothing wrong with that.”

Hux shrugs. “No, it’s normal. But conceiving and terminating is draining.”

Irritated, I storm out of the office. Ben is in the waiting room with a magazine and he escorts me out of the building. Hux doesn’t follow.

It’s been two weeks since I slept with Poe. We’re waiting to drop the pregnancy bomb and mom still hasn’t come home. She’s upset and avoiding me. Ben stays in the house most days and we have sex half the night and laugh and watch movies. I love him. I don’t need therapy.

My belly shows the first signs of bulging. Ben pets it a lot, during and after sex, and whispers in my ear. He’s good to me. He worries about every little thing, like when I’m nauseous or craving.

 “How’s the baby?”

 “Good. I’m tired.”

Ben nods and nuzzles me. “I know. Tonight’s the night. Poe needs to know.”

We’re in my bed, naked, sweating off sex. Mom is off on business, actively avoiding me. My brother kisses my hair and sighs. I don’t want Poe to know. It isn’t Poe’s. I don’t want him coming in the delivery room and coaching me. I want Ben.

I cry. Ben nuzzles and apologizes. We know this has to happen, but it fucking sucks. The baby belongs to Ben and he can’t claim it.

I text Poe and break the lie about the baby with my brother humming with pleasure behind me. Poe doesn’t answer. Ben kisses the back of my neck and sighs when I turn to face him. We kiss softly for a while before coming together again. Poe texts me back in the middle of sex.

  _coming over_

Ben grunts. “My good girl. My Rey.” He’s fucking me from behind like he always does, stroking my belly. “Look how good you’re doing, growing our baby.”

 “Thank you, daddy,” I whimper.

He nuzzles my hair, gently rolling his hips, lavishing my stomach with attention. “Of course. I love you.”

Poe visits a half hour later, dressed in jeans and a tee.  He looks worried and nods to Ben as he walks inside. My brother catches my eye and smirks, shutting the door behind my ‘baby daddy.’ I cup my bulging belly and Poe groans at the sight of it.

 “Oh god,” he laments, “ _oh god._ ”

Ben locks the door. I watch Poe’s dark eyes widen as he paces. He looks small in his football jacket. He runs a hand through his curly black locks and turns away. Ben glares. He wants a challenge. He wants it to turn into a fight.

 “You’re—you’re _pregnant_?” Poe asks, as if it’s not obvious. “I’m so sorry, Rey. Oh my god… I’m so sorry!”

“Little late to be sorry.” Ben steers Poe towards the living room. “You’ve put me in a very awkward position, Dameron. Leia will want to know how this happened, and I can’t exactly lie to her.”

Poe bursts into tears. He collapses on the couch and holds his head in his hands and just cries for a while. I feel guilty watching him taking on the blame. Ben stands with his hands in his pockets and I stand beside him, shifting from foot to foot. This is so bad. This isn’t nice.

But Poe gets a grip on himself. He closes his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose, and clears his throat.

 “Okay,” he croaks, “okay.” His dark, watery eyes shift to me. “I’m so sorry, Rey. What do you want to happen? I… I can be there if you need me, or if you don’t want it I’ll bring you to a clinic. Whatever you want. I’m… I’m _so sorry._ ”

Ben speaks for me. “She’s keeping him. You’ll be on the hook.” My brother strokes my back and sighs. “It’s so sad to see this happen to such a sweet kid.”

Poe cries again. I feel like Ben is being too mean. I squirm nervously while he talks to Poe and they leave me out of the conversation. We have to tell Leia. Leia will tell Poe’s parents. Soon my pregnancy will be glaringly obvious and everyone at school will talk.

Poe nods, sniffling. “I’ll own up to it. I won’t go anywhere.” He rubs his forehead and moans. “Poor Jess… what the fuck is wrong with me?”

 “You’re a teenage boy.” Ben brushes my hair from my neck. “You like ruining things.”

We talk in the living room for a long time. Poe asks to touch my belly and chokes when I let him. Ben glares from the armchair as Poe leans over to kiss the swell, and I run my fingers through his thick dark hair. If we’re lying to him, I don’t want to be a complete jerk. Poe is essentially a nice guy.

He drapes over me and gives me a hug. “I’ll take care of you, Rey. I’m not going anywhere.”

Ben scowls.

Mom rushes home when we tell her the news. She immediately calls Poe’s parents, who don’t care, and brings him over for ‘dinner’ to chew him out. Poe sits and silently agrees with her allegations while Ben watches and smiles. I wring my hands.

 “Rey will _not_ be keeping this baby!” Leia snaps. “She’s a bright girl with a bright future!”

 “Yes ma’am,” Poe mumbles.

Ben clears his throat. “Uh… Rey wants to keep him, mom. She’s not going through with the abortion.”

Mom glares at me. “She is going through with it, because she’s fifteen and doesn’t need to have a baby with some high school boy. This is for your own good, Rey. You don’t want to end up flitting around aimlessly like your brother, right?”

The temperature in the room drops. I agree with mom, while Ben stares off into space. We drop Poe off at home and go back to Ben’s apartment.

He fucks me in the living room on the couch while we watch porn. I moan and nuzzle into the pillows, listening to Ben panting and thrusting behind me. He strokes my belly and kisses my hair.

 “You’ll keep the baby,” he mutters. “Our baby.”

I nod, wriggling my hips. “I will—I promise, daddy.”

Ben grunts and cums in me, gasping. No more worries about pregnancy. He sighs and nuzzles my cheek with his long nose and smiles when I giggle.

Mom refuses to let up. She descends into crazy anger and drinks a lot of wine. Ben has to stop her from attacking me one night over the baby, and I live with him from then on.

Jess finds out about the pregnancy. She ignores me at school and glares when Poe comes over to check on me. I don’t blame her for being so pissed off. I hang around Rose a lot, who is hiding a pregnancy no one else knows about. She looks so tired.

Ben sets up a sleepover for Rose and me at his apartment. I pop popcorn and gawk when I see the father of her baby step in the apartment to meet with mine. Finn looks drowsy and laughs at something Ben says. He strolls over to kiss the crown of Rose’s head and she beams.

I stare. Ben kisses my cheek, but Rose doesn’t react. She settles on the couch and gorges herself.

 “Finn?!” I exclaim. “You… _Finn?!_ ”

She reddens. “Yeah, I guess. You’re having a baby with your brother!”

Ugh! We watch _Moana_ and whisper urgently to each other while the fathers of our babies pop open beers in the kitchen. Who is Rose blaming for hers? Paige will notice—so will her parents. Her belly hasn’t swollen like mine, but it will happen soon. Poor Rose… she’s just as dumb as me.

We talk and watch until we’re exhausted. Ben and Finn get drunk off beer and I’m hefted into the bedroom while Finn takes Rose on the couch. I pause in the hall and watch her laugh and nuzzle as Finn laughs and tugs down her panties. She arches her hips and I know he’s in her body. I stare.

Ben gently pulls me into our room. I lie on the bed on my belly, but turn over when he approaches. He smiles as he peels off his shirt.

 “What are you doing, sweetheart?” he coos.

 “I want to do it this way.” I spread my legs, tugging on my panties. “Please?”

He sighs. “Spoiled girl.”

Ben gives in and crawls between my thighs. He smirks at my smiling, unbuckling his belt, and strips down. I squirm out of my white nightgown and lie back as my brother creeps closer to align the weeping head of his cock with my cunt. He draws up and down, teasing me, then slowly pushes inside.

We come together with a slap of wet skin. I hitch my knees on Ben’s hips and whimper with each thrust he makes. He hides his face in my neck and fucks me erratically while I cling to his muscular back. It feels so good. I buck my hips until I climax with a keening wail and my brother drives deeper.

 “Good girl,” Ben grunts. “My good girl.”

It doesn’t take much longer for him to come. He groans as he spills inside me with stuttered thrusts and I close my eyes. Feels so good. My Ben.

Ben withdraws after a long time. He gives me kisses and walks out to the living room to talk with Finn. I stagger behind him and see Rose passed out on the couch. Her pregnant belly hangs out of her shirt.

 “Let’s go,” Ben mutters to Finn. “Gotta get this over with.” He turns and smiles. “Rey, baby—take a nap? Poe wants to stop by and check up on you.”

I’m so confused. I blink and nod, skittering to the couch with Rose. She mumbles in her sleep. Why is Poe coming over? I want to cuddle with Ben.

He gives me a kiss on the cheek before he leaves with Finn. The apartment lapses into silence, save for the songs from _Moana._ Rose snores softly beside me. I think I’ll watch _Tangled_ next.

Poe knocks a half hour later. He beams when I answer and comes inside, clutching my belly and crouching to kiss it. The baby so the same way he was last week. I let him do it, though. We have to let Poe think it’s his. Otherwise… there’s no one else to blame. I pat his thick black hair.

He wipes his eyes. “After I graduate I have a job in real estate. I’m a good salesman—I’ll make good money for us.” He peers at Rose and smiles. “You two look like you had a crazy night.”

I laugh and shrug. “Sort of. Just movies and popcorn. I get nauseous from pretty much everything.” Then I shrug, curling a strand of hair behind my ear. “But don’t worry about skipping college, Poe. Ben can help me. It’s okay.”

 “No, no; he’s my baby. I want to be there.” Poe wrings his hands and clears his throat. “…Thought we could get married, maybe?”

 “ _Married?!_ ” I echo, horrified.

Poe nods. “Well, we have the baby, and you’re a nice girl. I don’t want to make your life hard.”

Oh god. I stare up at him and he laughs and kisses me softly on the lips. He kisses me again, slipping his tongue in my mouth, and I grab his hips. I like Poe. He’s such a sweet guy. I mean, I like Ben, but Poe hangs around even though he’s not obligated to.

We stagger into the bedroom. I have Ben’s baby rolling in my womb as Poe edges me to the bed and tells me I’m beautiful. I don’t have to call him daddy. He lies on his back and pulls me on top and smiles while we have sex. I bob up and down on his cock. Poe isn’t too bad. He’s easy.

 “Jess is so pissed.”

I stop tracing his chest. Poe looks upset.

 “I know,” I mumble. “I’m sorry.”

 “It’s my fault. You’re both too young.” He rubs his face and sighs. “But I’ll do right by one of you. I’m not going anywhere, Rey, and I’ll try to fix things with Jessika. I’m so sorry for being so selfish.”

 “…Me too.”

Rose doesn’t say a word. I have sex with Poe again and we walk out of the bedroom when Ben comes home with Finn. Ben watches Poe leave and turns his angry dark eyes on me. Finn collects Rose, mumbling and sleepy in his arms.

They leave. I shrink back.

 “I’m sorry,” I mutter.

 “For what? Being a whore?”

Ben nods when I nod. He has blood on his shirt. He peels it off and drags me in the bedroom to fuck me from behind. I guess I am a whore.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this ended up being the end because it felt right  
> sorry i LOVEEEE open endings LOL

_“Someone stabbed her in the throat.”_

Voices float around me at school. My belly is bigger, peeking out of my T-shirts, and I struggle to keep it covered. Rose has been pulled. She’s staying home with her parents and Paige told them about Finn. That’s why she came to Ben’s apartment crying. She couldn’t believe it.

We have a substitute in math. Her name is Amilyn Holdo and she’s nice. She has purple hair.

I wipe tears from my eyes, sniffling as I gather my books. People stare at me. They always stare at me. I’m five months pregnant and live with my adoptive brother, but I somehow always have bruises. I say it’s a bleeding disorder. No one questions me—except Poe. He’s _always_ hanging around.

_“Well whoever did it was angry. Stabbed her thirty-five times!”_

 “Hey, babe.”

Speak of the devil. Poe leans on the locker next to mine, beaming and leaning over to kiss my forehead. I smile as best as I can and shoulder my backpack. Ben is trying to get him put in jail because of my age, but the court thinks it’s more important for Poe to be around for the baby and me.

We shuffle off to my brother’s class, our last one of the day. Poe wants to know what we should name the baby so he can get a tattoo on his chest, but I don’t want to know the gender. He carries the sonogram picture everywhere. He has it in his car on the sun visor.

Jessika shoves me with her shoulder when we get to the classroom. Poe starts to bitch her out, but a big hand seizes her forearm. She stumbles and turns.

Ben looms over her. He yanks her arm, exhausted black eyes drilling into hers. His clothes are always ruffled and unpressed nowadays and he sleeps through class or comes in drunk. Jess shrinks back.

 “Apologize,” Ben says coldly.

Her jaw clenches. “Sorry for pushing you, _slut._ ”

Poe intervenes before my brother punches Jess in the face. He drags her off to the principal’s office and they argue on their way out the door. I meet Ben’s eyes and try to cover my belly again. He wants to reach out and touch me, but he knows he can’t.

Class is quiet. No one talks to me, but they sure do stare. Poe comes back halfway through and kisses me on top of the head before sitting next to me. Ben glares from his desk with his arms folded.

He calls me up when we’re done. Poe promises to visit for dinner and gives me a deep kiss before he leaves. I’m going to pay for that.

I stay near my desk, wringing my hands. “Therapy—”

 “You don’t need therapy,” Ben interrupts. “Get over here. Now.”

I’ve only been going once a month since mom died. I know exactly who killed her. He’s more unstable by the day. He’s really, really sick.

Trembling, I pull on my shirt again and make my way to the front of the class. Ben doesn’t even shut the door. He pushes my shirt over my stomach and turns me around, bending me over his desk, and yanks my panties past my thighs. I’m always in a skirt or a dress. I press my forehead to the desk.

 “You like playing house with him?!” Ben snaps. He tangles his fingers in my hair as he penetrates me with one sharp thrust. “I gave you this fucking baby! You’re _mine_!”

I yelp when he bottoms out and hits my cervix. The baby rolls in my stomach and Ben cups it with his hand, grunting into my hair. He feels out the kicks and punches and chases them with his fingertips. The desk squeaks across the floor.

 “D-Daddy!” I squeal. “I’m sorry! I’m sorry!”

 “No you’re not.” He yanks my hair and breathes in my ear. “But I’ll make you sorry.”

It takes another minute or two before he comes inside me with a low groan. Ben collapses across my back, heaving, and I sob into the papers strewn on the desk. He strokes between my legs lazily, whispering that he wants me to come, using his cum as lube. I cry and fake it so he’ll get off me.

We go home like nothing ever happened. Neither of us says a word, though. Ben knows that I know about mom, and I’m afraid of what will happen if we acknowledge that I know. It’s not something that can be ignored, just like the baby, if we talk about it. For now… we pretend everything is fine.

Ben helps me inside and immediately goes to the fridge for a beer. I go to the bathroom to wash the sheets. He wet the bed again last night. We have the same nightmares about the same doctor—I know because Ben screams his name sometimes. _Snoke._

I start the washer and change out of my cum-stained panties into a fresh pair, along with pajamas. Ben’s watching TV when I come out and he motions for me to sit next to him. I do, snuggling into his chest, and smile when he drapes his hand over my belly. Poe is causing our problems. He’s always hanging around.

We’re quiet for a long time. Ben drinks. And drinks. He’s always so sad. I can’t help him.

 “You know why I had to do it, Rey. Right?”

I don’t respond. My brother runs his fingers through my hair, cool and wet from the beer bottle. The movie plays on as darkness bears down on us.

 “I told them about the doctor,” Ben continues in a low voice. “They called me a liar—said I was looking for attention.” The hand on my stomach trembles. “So I ran away. But when the same thing happens to you, they have him arrested. And they never apologized to me.” His voice cracks and I feel tears drip on my cheek. “Mom did, at least… in the end.”

My stomach turns at deeply repressed memories. I shudder and claw closer to Ben, and he pulls me in his lap. He leans over to squeeze me and cries in my hair. He always came from behind, like a real monster would.

We don’t want to talk about. We don’t even want to think about it. Whenever that happens, we have sex instead. It’s easier than admitting all the trauma and pain we’ve been through. So Ben leads me into the bedroom, where some of my stuff is still in boxes from the move, and tries to lie on top of me during sex. My belly is in the way, though.

He lies behind me on his side and gives me soft kisses on the neck. I’ve got lots of hickies from him _and_ Poe. The bruises are from Ben grabbing me too hard when he’s drunk or having an episode or a nightmare. Sometimes he flips out for no reason. He doesn’t even want me putting my mouth on his cock.

Ben strokes my stomach, thrusting gently. “I love you so much, Rey. I’m so happy.” He teases my clit with his fingertips and sighs. “I’m so happy.”

We lay facing away each other after we’re done. Ben’s cum leaks out of me on the mattress, but we don’t care. I’ll just flip it.

I trace the long scars on his pale forearms, finally realizing he gouged them himself. I understand why. After I came back from therapy once, when Snoke has showed me how to use a pillow, I was so upset that I tried to drown myself in the tub. But I surfaced. I couldn’t do it. I went to show Han in hopes that he would give me validation and help me understand, but he just got angry and called the police.

Our parents acted like it never happened and so did I. Time passed and I forgot. Ben never did.

 “I felt like they replaced me with you,” he mumbles in my hair. “I was so pissed off that I refused to meet you. But I knew something was up when you wet the bed, and… I didn’t want someone to mess you up. I understand. No one else will.”

I nod, trying not to cry. “I know.” Then I do cry, shaking my head. “I don’t want to hurt Poe anymore, Ben. Can’t we just leave?”

 “Mom left everything to you, and you can’t inherit until you’re eighteen. The baby will cost a lot of money and I have job security here.”

I turn to face Ben and he kisses my forehead. There’s a lot of money waiting for me, but I’m still a few months from sixteen, and two years from eighteen. The baby will be two when I finally inherit.

 “What if Finn tells them about us?” I whisper.

 “He won’t. Trust me.” Ben smiles and cups my face in his huge hands. “Okay?”

The baby turns. Okay.

So we keep on going the way things are. Poe visits, Ben fumes, and I keep growing a baby. Sometimes my brother gets mad after Poe leaves and fucks me violently, but he’s usually okay. Poe gets a job in real estate. Ben drinks more.

A week before I’m due, Poe suggests I move in with him. He has the nursery set up for the baby in a small, one bedroom apartment with a big closet. It looks nice, but I say that Ben wants me at home.

 “Oh.” Poe looks disappointed. “Well, okay. I guess it makes sense. You’re still really young.” He rubs the back of his head and shrugs. “We’ll move in and get married when you’re eighteen. I’m just so excited to meet him.”

I nod, encircling my belly with my arms. “Me too.”

The baby comes just after my sixteenth birthday. She managed to twist her umbilical cord around her neck and has to be taken out via c-section. Poe is at work when it happens but Ben is there, standing next to me when they put our six pound, three ounce screaming daughter on my chest. I stare at her in shock but Ben cries enough for both of us. She has a shock of black hair already.

She’s quiet, but gurgles and smiles a lot. Mostly she sleeps and nurses. I lie in my bed on the third day of recovery with Ben dozing off in the chair next to me, and I have to ask.

 “Did you do this deliberately?”

My brother grunts. “What?”

I stare at the baby. She doesn’t have a name. “This. Her.” My gaze wanders to him. “Did you deliberately get me pregnant?”

 “Yeah, Rey—I deliberately knocked up my fifteen year old sister.” Ben rolls his eyes. “How the hell did you figure me out?”

 “You had baby stuff in your closet. You never used condoms, and my birth control was… weird.” I keep staring. “You owe me the truth.”

Ben eyes me and glances at our daughter asleep in the hospital crib. He yawns as he sits up and reaches in to hold her, shushing her whimpers from being disturbed. His dark eyes stay on her face while he adjusts her in his arms and pats her back. I can see it written all over his face.

Tears stream down my cheeks and I heave a sob. “You ruined my life!”

 “That’s real fucking nice to say,” he retorts. “Real fucking nice in front of our kid, Rey.” He glares at me and gives her his index finger to hold. “I love you and spoil you and I saved you from living under mom’s thumb— _and_ I gave you a beautiful daughter. You should be fucking grateful.”

The levee breaks. All my meek quiet and bruises and confusion lurch out of me on an animalistic shriek.

 “You KILLED MY MOTHER!” I scream. The scar sears as I move too fast, furious. “You took advantage of my trust and made me lose my friends and lose my teenage years, all to get some… some… REVENGE! You really are crazy! Han said you were crazy!”

 “You’re scaring her!” Ben hisses.

I knock the crib over and flail in bed, screaming until my chest hurts. “I don’t want to be a fucking mother! I don’t want her! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU!”

The nurses rush in to calm me down. I keep fighting back until they manage to restrain my wrists and give me a dose of Valium. I doze off for a while and when I wake, Ben is sitting next to the bed without the baby. His face blurs.

He rests his arms on the rail. “You’ve been through a lot the past few days, Rey. It’s okay. There’s a lot of hormones and—”

 “Where is she?” I rasp. The restraints creak around my wrists. “What did you do?”

Ben scowls. “Nothing. Poe has her for a bit. Fuck, you think I’d _do_ something?”

 “You did to me.” Tears trickle down my face. “You did to me.”

He doesn’t answer. His jaw clenches a few times, then he stands up. I stare as my brother picks up a pillow without looking away from me and wrings it in his hands. I close my eyes. Yes. Please kill me.

Ben shoves it on my face. He’s sobbing. “I was fucking raped—were _you_ raped?!” He cries and pushes harder when I kick my feet. “He would bend me over the couch and fuck me and they didn’t believe me! I HATE our parents, and I fucking hate _you_ for being their golden child!”

I scratch at the rail, but I can’t move or call for help. Maybe it’s better that I die here.

 “He just touched you!” Ben continues with a furious hiss. “But they believed you! I had the evidence in the scars, but I was ‘always so emotional’ that they refused to believe it!” He presses his face in the pillow and cries. “They replaced me with a better kid, but I love you anyway. I love you—but if you think I’m just like Snoke—”

 “What the fuck are you doing?!”

The pillow comes off a second later and the baby wails. I gasp for air and thrash my feet at the sound of Poe shouting for security or help or something. Ben is beyond hysteria, sobbing about Snoke, and he hugs me around the shoulders. Security tears him away screaming and I scream, too. Come back—come _back_!

But he doesn’t. Ben goes to jail for attempted murder and Finn lets it slip that the baby is my brother’s. He’s charged for that, too.

Poe sits with me on my last night in the hospital while I cry and tell him everything. I leave out the bit about mom’s death. I can’t prove it, and Finn will get in trouble, too. Rose needs him. He’s a nice guy.

Poe leans back and widens his eyes. “Wow… Rey—”

 “I know,” I blubber, buttoning up after feeding Shara. “I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry.”

He doesn’t answer for a while. Poe rubs his forehead, thinking, then gently takes Shara from my arms. It was his mom’s name. I figure the least I can do is name the baby after her.

Then he sits and closes his eyes. “It’s okay. Turns out I’m pretty good at selling houses.” Poe smiles. “I’m not going anywhere. None of that shit is your fault and… you need someone to help you.” He opens one eye and grins. “Besides, she’s a cute kid.”

My lower lip quivers. “I don’t deserve it.”

 “Probably not… but I’m a sucker for a pretty girl who needs my help.” He points at my face. “You’re going back to therapy, and you’re finishing high school. I can take the kid with me to open houses and stuff.”

It’s more than I deserve, but Poe is true to his word. He _is_ really good with real estate and makes quite a bit of money. I finish high school, patching things up with Jessika, and have play dates with Rose and her son, Hays. The babies usually just sleep while we drink wine and watch TV.

Time drags on. I turn seventeen, then eighteen, and inherit Leia’s fortune. It’s a few million dollars plus the house, so I sell the house and give the money to Poe. We’re not getting married anymore, but we work together to take care of Shara. I donate some to a local women’s shelter and keep the rest put away for my college education and Shara’s.

She’s a terror at two years old. She has tantrums like Ben used to and delights in teasing Hays. But she learns fast and likes to share, and she’s crazy about Poe. We go out a lot together. She walks and talks early. I go through a bout of depression and she picks up on it and calls Poe, whispering ‘mommy doesn’t feel well, Uncle Poe.’

One night, while I work on a paper for history, the doorbell rings. I have my own place and I work part time at the library. Shara races for the door before I can get up and pulls it open. Rain drizzles.

 “Shara?” I call, irritated. “You can’t just open the door!”

She doesn’t reply. My heart leaps in my throat and I rush for the door, terrified. Oh god. No, no, no—

The rain carries on, quietly pattering on the porch. I stare up into Ben’s dark eyes as Shara wanders close to him, head cocked. Her black hair is in a braid and she has her pink nightgown on. No… His sentence is already over? He’s free?

Ben sets a hand on her head and smiles at me. “Hello, little one. Daddy’s missed you.”


End file.
